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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Author of Harry Stamps’ Obit Recognized

Author of Harry Stamps’ Obit Recognized

Amanda Lewis, Harry Stamps daughter and obituary writerThe remarkable obituary for Harry Stamps that exploded across the Internet last week was written by his daughter, Amanda Lewis. She was recently named ABC-TV’s Person of the Week for her obituary, which wove humorous commentary in with the facts about her father’s life, loves, and peculiar character.

View the video at ABC’s website.

The story included home films and photos that beautifully illustrate his life and times.

Amanda Lewis said she started writing notes on a pad as she drove to Mississippi as her father was facing his final days. “He was always there for us,” she said with tears in her eyes.

So, what can you do to record your unique contribution to this world? Who will write your life story and make it sing? Why not start your own first draft?


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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Harry Stamp’s Awesome Obituary

Harry Stamp’s Awesome Obituary

Here’s a refreshing obituary! Harry Stamps must have been quite a guy who lived Mississippi near the Gulf Coast. This came from the Bradford-O’Keefe Funeral Home website. May the memory of Harry Stamps live on!

Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies’ man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter’s death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg.

He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized “old man” remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel.

He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians.

He was fond of saying a phrase he coined “I am not running for political office or trying to get married” when he was “speaking the truth.” He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal–just like Napolean, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words “veranda” and “porte cochere” to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil’s Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of “theme.” Visitation will be held at Bradford-O’Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.

Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time.


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Frozen Out of Frozen Dead Guy Days

Frozen Out of Frozen Dead Guy Days

FDGD 2013There was a big winter storm in Colorado today, and bad roads prevented me from getting to Nederland from Boulder for Frozen Dead Guy Days. But the movie went on, and I’ll be there on Sunday with The Newly-Dead Game.

The great folks at the Black Forest Restaurant did get the movie going, showing the hour-long “Grandpa’s Still in the TUFF SHED” documentary. I had the original 25-minute “Grandpa’s in the TUFF SHED” in my bag with me, stuck at a lower elevation.

I tried twice to get up Boulder Canyon, once starting at 7:30 a.m. – the road was closed after I went up – and I had to turn around and come back down by 9:00 a.m. I’ve got a front wheel drive rental that just couldn’t cut the snowy, icy inclines. Went about seven miles up, with eleven more to go blocked by accidents and skidded out vehicles.

There was plenty of company. I tried going up a second time around noon after the road was reopened and got one mile further. If only I didn’t have to stop for the other folks who got stuck, perhaps I could have made it. The Colorado Department of Transportation closed the road again at 3:00 p.m. due to accidents.

Here’s hoping they clear and sand the road well tonight. I’ll do The Newly-Dead Game at 1:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. at the Black Forest Restaurant on Sunday. The polar plunge and parade of hearses have been pushed back to Sunday as well.

FDGD @ Nederland Roundabout Nederland roundabout before the snow.


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Friday, March 29, 2013

Youngest Female Funeral Director in Colorado

Youngest Female Funeral Director in Colorado

At Frozen Dead Guy Days, I met the youngest licensed female funeral director in Colorado. Marika McMeans, at 22 years old, is a fresh face in the funeral business with wonderful insights.

She went to mortuary school at Arapaho Community College in Littleton, Colorado. She started working with Carroll-Lewellen Funeral Home in Longmont last summer.

One of Carroll-Lewellen’s interesting community outreach activities is they’ve held scary funeral movie nights at the funeral home. They’ve done this on the past few Friday the 13th dates. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many Friday the 13th dates on the calendar. They may do some fun funeral films in the future.

If you are open to watching funeral themed movies at a funeral home, families are welcome to attend! Check with Carroll-Lewellen Funeral Home for their next film event by calling 303-776-4477.

Here’s a brief interview I did with Marika McMeans about her work in the funeral business.


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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Green Casket Cartoon

Green Casket Cartoon

Today’s Death Cartoon: Close to Home takes the notion of green burial a step beyond!

One lady says to a visitor, “The casket is made out of sod to be 100% environmentally friendly.”

Why not just do a shroud burial?

Green Casket Cartooon


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Walking the Funeral Planning Talk

Walking the Funeral Planning Talk

Jeff Harbeson, Funeral Finance LLCJeff Harbeson has cheated death several times. After his latest brush with facing his mortality, the executive vice president and chief operating officer of Funeral Finance LLC wrote this recent blog post about “walking the talk” when it comes to funeral planning.

Even funeral directors can suffer the “cobbler’s children have no shoes” syndrome.

Here’s what he wrote:

In the funeral industry, we serve families by walking alongside them after the loss of their loved one.  I have often experienced and heard, “it’s different serving our own family when we lose a loved one”…basically a funeral professional having to be on the “other side of the table”.

Even more poignant, and we know this is coming…what about our own personal mortality?

Have you made pre-arrangements? Not necessarily picking out your casket, vault and writing a contract for payment.  But actually conversing about the celebration of your life with your closest of family…what you want to be said about you, who should be saying something, where the ceremony(s) should take place, music, video, food, final resting place etc?  As a retired military member and funeral professional, my wife, sons and I have had many discussions about my death, of course mostly joking around.

During my life, I have “cheated death”.  There have been several instances that I should not have survived. Most recently, I had a totally unexpected and serious medical event that in many cases, the end result is death.

During the entire episode, even in the back of a wailing ambulance, all sorts of beeping equipment, inserted and attached tubes along with a grand arrival notice into the hospital…not once did I think that “this is the end”.  However, as most of us do after some of our life’s defining moments, I began to ponder “what if”.

What if my last breath was taken?  Yes, my wife knows where all the life insurance documents are located, my final disposition wishes, some discussions about the “party”, music, military honors, etc. have taken place.

But, have I chronicled my life and provided enough information in such a manner so that not only during my funeral my life could be shared, but for the generations that follow me…what will they know?  How will they remember me…my life story the way that I want it told?

Several years ago I embarked on a mission that for every birthday of my wife and sons along with each wedding anniversary, I would write a letter.  A letter expressing my love, observations, encouragement and blessing of their relationship to me.

However, after this recent event, I reflected upon even more of my thoughts beyond my immediate family and posted on my Facebook page:

To read the rest of Jeff’s reflections on walking the funeral planning talk, visit his blog at MyFuneralFinance.com.


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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Friday Funeral Film: The Way

Friday Funeral Film: The Way

Today’s Friday Funeral Film is The Way, starring Martin Sheen in a film directed by his son Emilio Estevez. It looks at the journey of life and making the most of this lifetime. The film also shows cremation scattering scenes, which can open the door to discussion of what to do with the cremated remains of loved ones before there’s a death in the family.

Cremation is a growing disposition choice for Americans, now reaching about 42% of the national average (higher in the Western states, lower in the East). However, the U.S. lags way behind countries like Japan (over 99%) and Great Britain (approximately 75%).

If an American dies overseas while on travel, it can be very expensive to have the body returned to the U.S. You will spend much less money having the body cremated and bringing the cremated remains back yourself, or having a funeral home ship the remains to you. It’s worth checking into insurance that will pay for body return, especially if you travel abroad frequently.

The Way actually uses cremation to open up a father’s conversation with his son on how one lives life.

In The Way, Martin Sheen plays Tom, a typical busy American who comes to St. Jean Pied de Port, France to collect the remains of his adult son (played by Emilio Estevez). His son was killed in a storm the Pyrenees mountains while walking the Camino de Santiago, also known as The Way of Saint James. Tom had argued with his son about his life choices while taking him to the airport for this trip.

Martin Sheen in The WayIn a combination of grief and homage to his son, Tom decides to journey on this historical path of pilgrims, to complete the journey his son did not.

While walking The Camino, Tom meets other pilgrims from around the world, all broken and looking for greater meaning in their lives. Along The Way, Tom discovers the meaning of one of the last things his son said (in a flashback) to his father: “There is a difference between the life we live and the life we choose.”The Way scattering at sea

From the high mountains in France to the edge of the sea in Spain, Tom remembers his son and catches glimpses of him all along the Way. In special spots, he scoops out handfuls of his son’s cremated remains.

Gradually the experience of the Camino works its way into the spirits of the pilgrims. They become mirrors for each other, helping to strip away the protective layers that have preserved their pain and isolation, and with their new vulnerability, freeing them to feel and connect once more.

The Way DVD cover

In the end, the message of this poignant film is that opening our hearts to others is the real miracle. Connecting with them through kindness and laughter and joy is the magic that invites the presence of God.

By the time Tom and his companions reach the end of the journey with his son’s remains, he himself is a changed man. He scatters the rest of the cremated remains at the shore of the sea, and sets out to explore the world as his son had done.

The Way (2011 rated PG-13) is available on Amazon.com. It’s a great story – check it out!


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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Friday Funeral Film: Grandpa’s in the TUFF SHED

Friday Funeral Film: Grandpa’s in the TUFF SHED

In honor of this weekend’s Frozen Dead Guy Days, today’s funeral film is Grandpa’s in the TUFF SHED. This is a documentary that traces how Norwegian Bredo Morstoel became the Frozen Dead Guy at the center of this wild and wacky winter festival.

As a funeral film, Grandpa’s in the TUFF SHED offers insights into what happens when you don’t plan – like your grandson hijacking your body and putting it in a deep freeze for later reanimation.

I’m showing the film throughout the day on Saturday and Sunday at the Black Forest Restaurant in Nederland, supplementing with cryonic video clips from television and films. With a big snow storm predicted for Saturday, I’m glad I’ll be inside!

Bredo Morstoel died in 1989 at the age of 82 (according to the documentary – he was actually 89) while back country skiing alone in Norway. By the time he was discovered, he was already pretty well frozen.

Trygve Bauge Trygve Bauge

His grandson, Trygve Bauge, was living in Boulder, Colorado at the time. He was a big supporter of the idea of cryogenic reanimation and life extension techniques. In 1983, he started Boulder’s annual New Years Day polar plunge, a tradition of jumping into freezing cold water.

In February 1990, Trygve (pronounced Trig-vay) had his grandfather’s body cryogenically frozen by a company in California. Grandpa was moved to Nederland a few years later.

In 1993, Trygve built a fire-proof, earthquake-proof, wind-proof, bomb-proof concrete castle in Nederland, unlike anything anyone had seen. He was going to tunnel into the hillside next to his home to house cryonic chamber pods. The Colorado Life Extension Center was going to be the name of his business.

Aud Bauge Aud Bauge

Trygve was a character. When taking his mother Aud to the airport for a trip back to Norway, he was arrested for joking about hijacking a plane and became a fugitive from the law. But he would always call the local media while he was on the lam and ask them to put a story in the newspaper.

In 1994, Trygve was deported back to Norway.

Aud, concerned that she was going to be deported next, confided to Barbara Lawlor of the local newspaper The Mountain-Ear, saying, “I’m just so concerned the bodies will melt. My father’s body is in a shed behind the house.”

Panic ensued. The marshal’s office called Clay Evans with the Boulder Daily Camera to ask him if he knew anything about frozen bodies and he said, “I do now, and I’ll be there with a photographer in 30 minutes.”

There were originally two bodies in the shed. Al Campbell, Trygve’s first paying customer, was shipped back to Chicago for burial. Grandpa was kept in a metal box, surrounded by dry ice.

The town board held a hearing and outlawed the keeping of frozen bodies on your property in Nederland. However, because he predated the ruling, he was… grandfathered in!

Grandpa has almost thawed out a couple of times, but the family continues to send money to keep the dry ice replenished. The 750 pounds of dry ice is replenished every three weeks. Some of the locals report ghostly events in Nederland. Could it be Grandpa’s spirit haunting the area?

A few years back, the TUFF SHED corporation donated a new shed for Grandpa’s resting place, as the original one was falling apart.

The corporation is a major sponsor of the annual Frozen Dead Guy Days festival, usually held the first weekend in March. The festival started in 2000 and continues to this day. The festivities include a parade of hearses, a costumed polar plunge, coffin races, frozen turkey bowling and salmon tossing, and The Newly-Dead Game® (provided by yours truly). There are locally produced special themed drinks and ice cream flavors for the festival. The event draws thousands of people, with as many as 15,000 attending one year.

At the end of the film, as with many true stories, we learn the fates of the main characters:

Trygve and his mother Aud are still living in Norway.Trygve has opened a life extension center that features ice plunging and coffee enemas.Grandpa is still in the TUFF SHED, an unwitting champion for the rights of the temporarily dead.According to the Boulder psychics who have visited the shed, Grandpa Bredo had a message for us all…Grandpa Bredo Morstoel Grandpa Bredo Morstoel

Unfortunately, Grandpa’s in the TUFF SHED is NOT available for sale on DVD. However, the 60-minute follow-up documentary, Grandpa’s Still in the TUFF SHED, is available through the Frozen Dead Guy Days online store.

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is author of the award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die.  A 13-episode TV series of the same name is coming soon. She also created The Newly-Dead Game® that tests couples on how well they know their partner’s last wishes.


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Grandpa’s Blue Ball at FDGD 2013

Grandpa’s Blue Ball at FDGD 2013

Grandpa’s Blue Ball, the kick-off party at Frozen Dead Guy Days last night, filled the Black Forest Restaurant in Nederland, Colorado with ghostly freezing cowboys and cowgirls. The theme was “The Good, The Bad and The Frozen,” hence the predominance of cowboy gear in the costumes.

Here are some fun photos of the festivities!

Poster for FDGD Grandpa's Blue Ball Poster for FDGD Grandpa’s Blue Ball

FDGD Cake FDGD 2013 Cake!

IMG_1140

Ghostly cowgirl

FDGD Cowgirls

Ghostly Cowboys

Gail Rubin with the Mayor of Nederland, Joe Gierlach Gail Rubin with the Mayor of Nederland, Joe Gierlach


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Monday, March 25, 2013

Headstone Messages

Headstone Messages

Here’s a fun death cartoon focused on cemetery headstone messages. This recent Non Sequitur cartoon has a double headstone that continues the conversation beyond the grave.

The panel is titled “The Side Effects of Testosterone Overload…” A guy is looking at the pair of joined stones. One reads, “Trust Me. I Know What I’m Doing.” The other one reads, “Trusted Him.”

Any thoughts on similar conversations a couple could have on their headstones?

Non Sequitur Testosterone OD


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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Home Funerals in South Carolina

Kudos to the FCA of South Carolina for helping with this great article in the Columbia Star laying out the plain facts about home and family-directed funerals. 

Excerpt:

The FCA-SC explains why some would want to choose this option: Some may wish to do this because it seems more fitting and personal for them to care for their own dead rather than turning the body over to a funeral home. Other than embalming, which is never required by law, there is nothing that a funeral director can do that anyone acting as such cannot do for themselves. For most of our history, the family took the responsibility for caring for their own dead. Over recent years, there has been a resurgence of interest in reclaiming this practice.

Another reason may be financial. The average cost of a funeral, not including any cemetery costs, is now more than $6,500. With caskets readily available on the internet or by building one yourself-it is possible to provide a meaningful and dignified funeral for a fraction of that price.

There is nothing in the South Carolina Code (laws) that requires the use of a funeral director. The situation is governed by the Code of Regulations 61-19.

Last Updated ( Monday, 04 March 2013 14:24 )  

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Saturday, March 23, 2013

Deep Doubts About Neptune

Friday, 22 February 2013 13:25

by Lamar Hankins, past president of Funeral Consumers Alliance

Selling Cremation Door-To-DoorI just had the opportunity to be a “secret shopper” – from the convenience of my dining room table.  Over the years, I have occasionally received solicitations from funeral homes or cremation services to encourage me to “pre-arrange” funerals or cremations.  In recent months, I received two such solicitations from the Neptune Society.  I responded to the last one, sending back their card and checking the box that indicated I wanted to receive more information.That information came through a phone call a couple of weeks ago asking if one of their representatives could visit me in my home.  I said “yes” and a nice fellow showed up.  His card identified him as an “Austin Area Counselor,” for Neptune Society, “America’s Most Trusted Cremation Services.”  I was treated to a sales pitch full of misleading or outright false claims, all to get me to pay more than double the cost for a simple cremation in the Austin area. It was obvious that he knew nothing about me, or he probably would not have made the 45-minute drive to my home from his Austin location.  I have spent the last twenty years as a volunteer advocate for funeral consumers with the Austin Memorial & Burial Information Society (AMBIS), as well as 18 years working as a volunteer with the national organization with which AMBIS is an affiliate, Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA).  The counselor and I spent an hour and a half discussing pre-arrangement options that Neptune offers.  The best one, from Neptune’s perspective, is being offered right now at a $150 discount, so the cost to me would be only $2,255.Leading up to my request to know the price of the service was about an hour of information about the plan, and information he had gathered about what a few other funeral homes in the Austin area charge.  The counselor had no way of knowing that just four days earlier, Nancy Walker (President of the AMBIS board) and I had finished surveying the prices of funerals and cremations for the 51 funeral services located in the Austin area.  It is noteworthy that the counselor mentioned that Neptune is owned by SCI, the largest funeral provider in the world.  Based on his inflection and the look on his face, I think I was supposed to be impressed by this.  But I have written about SCI many times over the last twenty years, discussed legal problems with SCI’s legal staff, and had my own battles with them on behalf of my family over cemetery plots.  Their world-wide activity and reputation was not news to me.It surprised me that Neptune uses the outrageous charges at SCI facilities to show how much better its prices are – its counselor cited rates at several SCI locations that were much higher than Neptune’s.  But it wasn’t a fair comparison;  in most cases, what the counselor showed me were prices for elaborate cremation and related services, not Direct Cremation prices.  Direct Cremation is universally defined as a simple cremation without a viewing or ceremony.When the counselor did show me a price from other providers for Direct Cremation, he pointed out that there were many hidden costs not covered by their price (e.g., refrigeration, crematory fee).  But all of his examples were for prices higher than Neptune’s.For a few people, the best part of Neptune’s plan is that it includes – for $474 – a “Transportation and Relocation Plan.”  This is worthwhile if you are traveling overseas and die on the trip, but the contract for transportation services is not with Neptune.  Instead Neptune is a third-party seller for the Medical Air Services Association (MASA).  Based on the contract, it appears that MASA will transport the body to the nearest licensed crematory and will return the cremated remains as per the Neptune agreement.  The counselor tried to convince me that the transport agreement was also very useful in the event I died while on a trip to the Texas coast (about a three and a half hour drive).  He explained that a funeral home at the coast would have to take custody of my body and be paid for shipping it back to Austin for cremation.  He did not know that I knew this was complete nonsense.  If I die down at the coast, my chosen cremation provider in the Austin area could merely arrange for a funeral home, mortuary service, or crematory in the area where I died to handle the cremation for a low wholesale trade price  – probably about $400 – and send the cremated remains to the Austin area funeral service.  My family would pay my chosen provider’s cost for direct cremation and receive my cremated remains.  I’ve had personal experience with this.  When my brother died twelve years ago, an Austin funeral home arranged his cremation in the county of his death, and my parents, who lived in that county, picked up his cremated remains directly from the local funeral provider where he died, paying the Austin funeral home for the entire cost.Next, the counselor tried to shock me by saying that funeral prices double every seven to ten years.  I happen to have funeral cost surveys that AMBIS has done for many years, so I compared the costs from 2000 with those in 2012.  Direct cremation averaged $1,468 in our 2000 survey.  In 2012, the average cost was $1,899 – a 29% increase, not twice the cost from twelve years earlier.  Of course, a lot of those increased costs can be attributed to SCI funeral homes.  Their cremation costs rose about 62% during this same period.  In addition, the counselor told me that cremation in central Texas averages $2,700+, which is just not true.  The 2013 AMBIS annual survey just published and available on-line atOf course, the counselor also did not tell me that I do not have to pay the average price.  I can get Direct Cremation for as little as $695 from two providers, and for $775 or less from three others.  This compares favorably with 2000 prices, which were $725 from two providers and $740 from another.  So competition has made the lowest-cost Direct Cremation less in 2013 than in it was in 2000.But those were not the only misleading statistics the Counselor gave me.  He told me that most funeral homes have two price increases yearly.  Because we do an annual survey, we know that this is not true for most funeral homes.  A handful have annual price increases, but many go two or three years without increases.  In my experience, the number of increases has more to do with the general economy and the popularity of cremation, which takes business away from funeral services, than with any other factors.  However, one funeral director told me recently that SCI was the best thing that ever happened to him.  Because of SCI’s high prices, he can charge more and still offer a better deal than SCI funeral homes.  Most of the Cook-Walden chain, which is owned by SCI, charges $2,740 for Direct Cremation at four of its five locations.I was a bit startled when the counselor told me that Clark Howard, the radio consumer advisor, recommends the Neptune Society.  For many years, Howard was a member of the Honorary Advisory Board of the Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA), for which I spent about eight years serving as a member of its board of directors, including four as President.  To my knowledge, Howard has never endorsed pre-paying for funerals or cremation.  A search of his website turned up no mention of the Neptune Society.  One entry by Howard in 2010 had this to say:

“Pre-paying for funerals not a Clark Smart option

RIP-OFF ALERT:The Wall Street Journal reports some 20 million people have pre-paid for funerals to relieve their survivors of the obligation at the time of their death. While that sounds good in theory, pre-paying for a funeral in practice has involved bad purchases, theft of funds, insolvency and other assorted gotchas. “What exactly are the problems? To begin, Americans move a lot. Where you live at age 50 -- when people typically start pre-paying for funerals -- may not be where you'll be living at the time of death. Unfortunately, when you move in the future, the way pre-paids work is that you forfeit much of the money. “Second, your end-of-life wishes may change over time. It used to be that only one in four people opted for cremation. That's become about one in three in recent years. “Meanwhile, future projections show that cremation may soon become the dominant method of disposition, perhaps because a cremation can be much cheaper than a traditional burial. “Another problem has been outright theft of money by shady funeral home operators -- despite state efforts to crack down on shenanigans. . . .“So what should you do? Clark prefers that you pre-plan (but not necessarily pre-pay) through a local non-profit memorial society. Visit Funerals.org for more info.”That link is to the FCA website.To help understand better Clark Howard’s advice, it is instructive to look at what happens to the $2,255 the Neptune Society charges during their special promotion:– $730 goes into a trust and is not touched until you die and the cremation is actually done;– $1,051.11 (includes some state taxes) is taken outright by the Neptune society and the customer is given several items of merchandise when the contract is signed.  That merchandise includes a wooden “memento chest” which houses a wooden urn, a photo keepsake, 25 “Thank You” cards, and a “Neptune Information Book,” all of which costs Neptune no more than about $200 wholesale.  This means that Neptune can immediately pocket about $750 (the tax must be paid);– $474 is allocated for the transportation plan, all of which, presumably, will be divided between MASA and Neptune at the sale of the pre-paid plan.It appears, then, that at least half of the funds paid for the pre-arrangement contract can be spent by Neptune, perhaps years before it performs any service other than providing the merchandise to the purchaser.  A purchaser of such prepaid services could lose a substantial amount of money if the purchaser’s plans change a year or two later.However, Neptune does offer a unique benefit at no additional cost.  If the purchaser has a child or grandchild who dies before that person’s 21st birthday, Neptune will provide an identical cremation for the deceased child or grandchild.  It is difficult to find the data on deaths of those under 21 years of age in the US, but it is unlikely that this should be a major incentive for purchasing a pre-paid cremation, though it may have emotional appeal for some.The counselor made the customary pitch that paying in advance will give both me and my family peace of mind, and everything will be paid for.  However, the contract identifies twelve items that may require additional payments at the time of death, such as placement of obituaries, flowers, and other service-related expenses.  It is simply wrong to mislead families with a sales pitch that is belied by the very contract used in the transaction.  The total contract and related documents run to thirteen pages, all of which need to be carefully reviewed.  The counselor told me that Neptune gives customers a full thirty days to change their minds.  However, I could find nothing about this thirty-day rescission promise in any of the contract documents.  Neptune’s counselor offered another tidbit of false information, as well.  He claimed that one of the funeral services in San Marcos required a casket for cremation, rather than the less expensive cardboard container used by Neptune.  However, the price lists for all three funeral homes in San Marcos offer a cardboard container for Direct Cremation.  Besides, both federal and state regulations bar funeral homes from requiring a casket for cremation.The bottom line regarding pre-paid funeral and cremation contracts is the same today as it was twenty years ago when I started doing funeral consumer advocacy work.  Only those in very unusual or special circumstances – someone with no family or friends to make disposition arrangements, or someone who is making final arrangements before becoming eligible for Medicaid – actually need to pre-pay for burial or cremation.  As always – Buyer Beware!© Lamar W. Hankins, Freethought San Marcos 

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Saturday, March 2, 2013

Info on Facebook and Death

Info on Facebook and Death

Facebook logoThere’s a great Mashable article on Facebook and death – “How 1 Billion People Are Coping With Death And Facebook.”

Wonder what happens to your profile when you die? Make sure someone can find your password information, or your family could be in a heap of trouble!

A few good tips from the story:

So what happens to all those suddenly abandoned profiles? Their fate could go one of four ways:

The profile remains untouched, unaccessed, unreported and therefore open to everyday wall posts, photo tags, status mentions and Facebook ads. In other words, business as usual.A family member or close friend may choose to report a death to Facebook. Upon receipt of proof of death, such as a death certificate or local obituary, Facebook will switch the dead user’s timeline to a “memorial page.”A close family member may petition Facebook to deactivate a dead user’s account.Users may gain access to a dead user’s profile in one of two ways: either through knowledge of the dead user’s password, a practice against Facebook’s terms of service, or through a court subpoena. However, per Facebook’s privacy policy and strict state law, courts rarely grant outside access to said social data. More on that later.

The story includes online grieving, Facebook’s official policy for handling user deaths, and online interfacing with the dead.

Read the whole story on Mashable.


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Friday, March 1, 2013

Children in Cemeteries

Children in Cemeteries

There’s a good letter to Dear Abby about cemeteries and how parents should supervise their children when they visit.

Cemetery GravestoneGood advice from both the writer and Dear Abby!

DEAR ABBY: Please use your wide reach to educate well-meaning parents about how their children should behave when visiting cemeteries. I’m a funeral professional who takes pride in helping families honor their heritage and transition from grief to recovery. I especially enjoy helping to allay children’s fears about death and cemeteries.

Often parents allow their children to roam the cemetery as if it were a playground or public park. I have seen kids pull up expensive flowers on other graves and “take them to Mommy.” Naturally, the family who bought the flowers come back a few days later and accuses us of trashing them.

I have seen mourners leave precious personal mementos on their loved ones’ graves only for kids to take them as playthings. I have seen kids deface grave markers, entertain themselves by bouncing rocks off headstones or open up brass and bronze cameos, exposing the photos to the elements.

The worst is unsupervised kids running off in packs and gathering up the little colored flags that are placed to assure a grave gets dug and set up in time for a pending service. Imagine flying in for the burial of a loved one and the grave isn’t ready because some child grabbed the marking flag while the parents stood idly by. Cemetery employees have been fired for this.

Parents, please teach your children that their natural curiosity and playfulness should find their outlet in more appropriate settings. And please, keep your dogs at home. You wouldn’t want a stranger’s dog doing his business on your expensive marker or loved one’s grave, would you? — THE LAST PERSON TO LET YOU DOWN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LAST PERSON TO LET YOU DOWN: I’m happy to spread the word.

Folks, if your children are too young to understand when you tell them the cemetery isn’t a playground, that they must remain quiet, respectful and not touch other people’s property, then they should not be present at the burial. When entering or leaving the cemetery, children and adults should refrain from walking on the graves. Ditto for using it as a dog park.

The Golden Rule applies here: Don’t do unto others what you wouldn’t want them to do onto you.


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