Halo Hula Cartoon

Halo Hula Cartoon

Today’s Non Sequitur  provides a heavenly death cartoon – hula hooping with halos! One angel says to another, “Oh, great… Now I’ve got halo envy.” Ha!

But really, there is no envy in heaven, is there?

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Funeralwise.com TV Body Count Study Says It’s Deadly Out There

Funeralwise.com TV Body Count Study Says It’s Deadly Out There

The funeral planning website Funeralwise.com has come out with it’s second TV show body count study – and baby, it’s deadly out there!

The bad news – the body count is higher than it was for the first study, and the number of funerals shown for all of these deaths is next to nil. Out of more than 1,500 dead bodies counted, only 11 funerals were observed by the study.

The primary cause of death for humans (as opposed to zombies or vampires) was gunshot. Of the 1,516 dead bodies counted in this study, a whopping 44% of them died by a person using a gun. At the other end of the spectrum, only 1% died of natural causes or a health problem.

And men are killed way more often than women: 86% men, 13% women and 1% unknown. (Need to get a better look at that category!)

Here’s the news from Funeralwise.com:

CHICAGO, February 11, 2013 —Funeralwise.com has released the results of its second TV Body Count Study. Using counts of dead bodies appearing in television programs, the goal of these studies is to characterize how death is portrayed in popular culture. An online funeral planning service, Funeralwise hopes to stimulate discussion about how people deal with death in real life vs. how they view death as fictionalized in the media.

The second edition of the TV Body Count Study expanded on last year’s initial study by adding new criteria such as the causes of death on TV. One resulting finding is that gunshot victims comprised 44% of all deaths observed in the study. The next closest identifiable cause was knives and blades, which accounted for 19% of deaths.

The Fall 2012 Study also catalogued the gender of the dead, and found that men were, by far, the most likely to die on TV. Males represented 86% of the dead bodies counted, with over 50% dying from a gunshot. Females had fewer onscreen deaths and were more likely to be killed by means other than a gun, such as beatings and strangulation.

The fall season’s deadliest show was the AMC series The Walking Dead which averaged 38 dead bodies per episode. 91% of these dead bodies were zombies. The next deadliest was the CINEMAX series Strike Back, with 26 dead bodies per episode. In total, the 40 TV series studied averaged 4.7 dead bodies per episode, which is a 12% increase over the initial study.

Among the other key findings of the study were:

The primary cause of death differed for humans and non-humans (zombies, vampires, etc.). Humans died most frequently (52% of the time) from gunshots while for non-human victims the most frequent cause was knife, blade, arrow or various other means.The top 3 deadliest shows comprised 40% of the total bodies counted, averaging 25 bodies per episode. The other 37 shows averaged just over 3 dead bodies per episode.Action/adventure shows were the deadliest averaging nearly 15 dead bodies per episode, followed by science fiction/fantasy shows averaging almost 10 dead bodies per episode. Crime/courtroom dramas averaged less than 3 dead bodies per episode.The dead are rarely memorialized, only 11 funerals were observed by the study.

“We expected to find a fair number of dead bodies on TV, but having completed two studies we are surprised by just how much death we have seen. Our intent is not to pass judgment on the TV shows that portray death and violence. Our job is to report the findings and then let people form their own opinions.” said Rick Paskin, Managing Director of Funeralwise.com.

A full report of the study results and methodology is available on the Funeralwise.com website at www.funeralwise.com/studies/tv-body-count-study-results-fall-2012.

Funeralwise invites comments on how death is portrayed on television and its impact on real life. Comments can be posted on the Funeralwise Digital Dying blog at http://blogs.funeralwise.com/dying/2013/02/08/is-a-sickness-spreading-violent-tv-in-faraway-countries/ and the Funeralwise Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/funeralwise. Twitter: @funeralwise. Hashtag: #tvbodycount.

Funeralwise.com offers free, do-it-yourself funeral planning via its website. Aiming to provide “Everything You Need to Know About Funerals,” the site also features extensive information on funeral customs, funeral etiquette and grief support.

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Friday Funeral Film: Little Miss Sunshine

Friday Funeral Film: Little Miss Sunshine

Yes, the delightful comedy Little Miss Sunshine (2006 – rated R) does have funeral film lessons. It shows some of the paperwork involved with death, transporting a body in your own vehicle (illegally) and how prearranged funeral plans can be transferred to other funeral homes. And it starts out in Albuquerque!

Here’s some of the synopsis from IMDb.com:

In Albuquerque, Sheryl Hoover brings her suicidal brother Frank to the breast of her dysfunctional and bankrupted family. Frank a homosexual and expert in Proust, tried to commit suicide when he was rejected by his boyfriend and his great competitor became renowned and recognized as number one in the field of Proust.

Sheryl’s husband Richard is unsuccessfully trying to sell his self-help and self-improvement technique using nine steps to reach success, but he is actually a complete loser. Her son Dwayne has taken a vow of silence as a follower of Nietzsche and aims to be a jet pilot.

Dwayne’s grandfather Edwin (Richard’s father) was sent away from the institution for elders Sunset Manor and is addicted in heroin. When her seven-year-old daughter Olive has a chance to participate in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in Redondo Beach, California, the whole family travels together in their old Volkswagen bus in a funny journey of hope of winning the talent contest and making a dream come true.

Though Olive is not of the typical pageant ilk (an average-looking, bespectacled child), she adores pageant work and had won second place in a regional contest. During dinner, the family hears a phone message from Olive’s aunt, informing that them that the winner of Olive’s recent pageant had to forfeit, and that Olive now has a place in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in California. The challenge: they have to be in Redondo Beach by 3:00 p.m. in two days.

There are lots of adventures on the road the first day. The family checks into a motel somewhere in Arizona for the night; Richard and Sheryl in one room, Frank and Dwayne in another, and Grandpa and Olive in a third.

Olive confesses to Grandpa that she is scared about the pageant the following day. Grandpa, who has been coaching Olive on her dance routine, reassures her that she is a beautiful person and will ‘blow ‘em outta the water.” Then he goes into the bathroom to snort some heroin.

Olive wakes her parents in the morning because “Grandpa won’t wake up.” Edwin is rushed to the hospital where he is pronounced dead. A “bereavement liaison” named Linda comes to the waiting room to go through the paperwork needed to process the death.

“My consolations for your loss,” she begins. “Okay, these are the forms you need to fill out: a death certificate; a report of the death; an ME [Medical Examiner] pink slip, please try and be as detailed as possible; this is a brochure for a grief recovery support group that meets on Tuesdays; and if you like at this time I can refer you to a funeral home so you can begin making your arrangements.”

“Actually,” says Richard, “prearrangements have already been made in Albuquerque. We’re actually on our way to California right now.”

“Albuquerque?” she says. “If the body is crossing state lines you are gonna need a Burial Transit Permit from the County Registrar’s office.”

“Okay, but we’re trying to get to Redondo Beach by three o’clock,” says Richard.

“Three o’clock today? Ain’t gonna happen,” says Linda to herself.

All of those paperwork items, including the Burial Transit Permit, are actual paperwork requirements for death in most states. If you were on a road trip with your family and someone dies en route, would you have all of the needed information available? Key things to know about the deceased: full name, Social Security number, place of birth, mother’s maiden name, and military service information.

Richard, determined to honor his father’s memory and get Olive to the pageant on time, has the family smuggle the body out of the hospital and into their VW bus.

After a driver cuts them off on the road the horn on the VW bus won’t stop honking. A state trooper on a motorcycle turns on his siren and lights.

As they are being pulled over, Richard says, “Okay, everybody just pretend to be normal, okay? Like everything’s normal here.”

The trooper nearly uncovers Edwin’s body in the trunk, but is sidetracked by a collection of Grandpa’s porn magazines that falls out first. He lets the family go in exchange for the dirty magazines, and the road trip continues.

Now, if you were transporting a dead body in your vehicle and did not have a Burial Transit Permit to prove you were not involved in some criminal activity, you would be in a heap of trouble. Might want to consider carrying a few distracting porno mags, just in case.

Once they get Olive to the Little Miss Sunshine pageant (barely in time) Richard finds an undertaking service to remove Edwin’s body.

The outfit, Muraoka & Greene “Purveyors of Fine Undertaking,” take Grandpa out of the VW bus and drive away, leaving Richard sadly holding a small box of his father’s personal effects.

One lesson from this scene is that prearranged funerals can be transferred to other funeral homes. I’m guessing they were going to cremate Grandpa and the family would pick up his remains after the Little Miss Sunshine pageant.

If they were going to have a funeral back in Albuquerque, the funeral home would arrange to fly the body back. This would of course incur additional expenses on top of already paid-for goods and services. Body shipment currently may cost in the range of $1,500, more or less, depending on how far the body needs to be shipped.

While sitting in on a prearrangement conference with a client recently, she was offered travel expense insurance to return her body to Albuquerque should she die while away on a trip. The insurance cost a one-time fee of $285. Something to think about if you travel a lot.

Little Miss Sunshine stars Greg Kinnear, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin, Paul Dano and Abigail Breslin. It’s a really funny, heartwarming movie, in addition to its funeral film lessons. Available from Netflix and for sale (as available) on Amazon.com.

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is author of the award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and host of A Good Goodbye TV. She speaks to groups using clips from funny films to illustrate funeral planning issues and help start serious conversations. Her website is www.AGoodGoodbye.com.

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Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander

Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander

If you haven’t yet read the bestselling book Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander, here’s a little taste of what it’s about. I gave this talk at Albuquerque Challenge Toastmasters, an advanced club for professional speakers (and those who want to be!).

Spoiler alert! There is information in this talk from the end of the book that might affect how you read it for the first time. And this is a book that should be read several times! It’s magical, scientific, and mind-blowing.

Is there life after death? Listen to this talk and let me know what you think.

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BBC TV: The Art of Looking Death in the Face

BBC TV: The Art of Looking Death in the Face

“How do we begin to talk about death? Death doesn’t answer back. The Grim Reaper’s not big on conversation.”

That’s how reporter Michael Smith started a piece on art and death on The Culture Show on BBC TV. He continued, “Death, after all is a guess, a great unknown, the one blank canvas that awaits us all. How do we imagine the unimaginable?”

He visits a long-established funeral home and the Wellcome Collection, known for exploring the connections between medicine, art and life, which is opening an exhibition about death.

Commemorating death can be more expensive than living. In the Victorian era, wealthy people were expected to entertain with food and drink, as well as provide gifts.

The story shows a collection of memorial rings that families would give to certain important people. Someone could spend an estimated $25,000 on jewelry alone!

A new exhibition at the Wellcome Collection looks at morbid art – a sculpture of a triumphant Death carrying a bow and arrow, a two-sided portrait of a person on one side and a skull on the other, etchings with examples of life and death intersecting.

“Death is the one great democratic experience,” says Smith. This is a very poetic five-minute meditation on life, death and art. Check it out!

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What is old school in the world of funeral arrangements?

By Joe Casper

Recently I went into an Asian restaurant and asked the young waiter, “My father loved chicken chow-mein. How is it here?” To which the waiter replied, “Old school.”

So what is new school?

Based on the waiter’s response, it was clear that this remains a choice, but more people are ordering new school.

There is a new school message that lots of people are using when faced with a funeral emergency and they have limited funds.

Old school is where a family chooses a funeral home, calls them, is given the cost and then pays for the services selected.

The new school way people deal with a funeral emergency is to get more choices and make cost comparisons.

They get second opinions because they want to be certain that they are making an informed decision.

Making any type of funeral arrangement, especially simple cremations, comes down to feeling comfortable with the person you are talking with is credible and giving you direct answers. You are, after all, making arrangements for someone you care about and is very important to you.

If the response to your questions is “maybe” then it should be a “no.”

People should choose wisely. Get a list of all of the costs and services which you are considering.

If you are comfortable, then proceed. If not, then start checking additional facilities to get second and third opinions.

You won’t know unless you double check. Do your homework.

So are you old school or new school?

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Times are changing when it comes to funeral planning

By Joe Casper

The more things change, the more they remain the same. However, for the American funeral these are changing times.

One of the biggest changes is the preference of cremation over burial. Cost is the main factor. All crematories in Massachusetts are located on cemetery grounds.

The average charge for the crematory is about $450. The cost for an average private cemetery, a grave opening and grave box could cost on average $5,000.

Neither the crematory nor the cemetery pay commission to the funeral home.

The tradition of the funeral home coordinating all of the cemetery arrangements, then adding it to the bill — with no profit to them — is a mystery.

Recently, a woman purchased two graves in a very prestigious cemetery.

With the grave opening and vault the cost came to more than $16,000. The cemetery salesperson said, “Make sure you bring us a check the morning of the funeral.”

The person who purchased the graves believed the funeral home received 20 percent. This is untrue, the funeral home receives nothing from the cemetery.

When a family chooses cremation over a burial, there is no reason for the funeral director to push burial over cremation. The funeral home gets nothing either way.

More people are having a traditional service with a wake followed by a cremation. They have visiting hours and a priest or a minister presides over the wake service.

Another choice is direct cremation. After the person is removed from the place where they died, all the paperwork is completed and 48 hours later they are taken to the crematory. A memorial service follows at a church or some other location. The family makes its own plans and arrangements.

Should the family choose to put a death notice in the newspaper, they are responsible for writing it. The newspaper will call the funeral home to confirm that the person is deceased.

If people wish to scatter the cremated remains they do so at a location of their choice. Some people choose to have the cremated remains buried in a cemetery grave. The cemetery will charge an interment fee, which can range from $600 to around $1,200.

With fewer traditional burials, the cemetery has increased the cost for interring cremated remains to offset the loss of regular interment fees. In greater Boston, interment fees for private cemeteries begin at $1,600.

Each cemetery has its own price list of services and sets its own policy regarding what consumers are allowed to do. Prices and options vary.

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Retirees turn more attention to personal legacies

By Dave Carpenter

CHICAGO —

A growing number of retirees are looking to pass along more to the next generation than money and possessions.

Life histories, ethical wills and video recordings are just some of the ways people are leaving their personal legacies for loved ones. Their use is becoming more common and small businesses are emerging to meet the demand.

Some financial planners are encouraging this sharing of values, wisdom and accomplishments as a complement to traditional estate planning.

“There’s an element regarding money, but it is really more about affirming your life as a legacy,” said Neal Van Zutphen, a certified financial planner in Mesa, Ariz.

People can convey their personal legacy in any number of styles.

They can be brief or book-length, and may include audio, video and photos. Frequently they take the form of an ethical will — a document sometimes referred to as a legacy letter or family love letter that provides a heartfelt personal message beyond the financial particulars. Some advisers, Van Zutphen among them, even give ethical will workbooks to their clients.

Experts can guide the process, or they can be handled as do-it-yourself projects.

Paul Wilson, a retired psychiatrist in Bethesda, Md., decided to write a memoir so his children and grandchildren would have a fuller understanding of him and of his life in earlier days. It’s something he wishes his own grandparents had done.

He expects it to be roughly 60 pages when completed, plus some photographs and newspaper articles. He’s considering having it self-published to produce a more polished final product.

Regardless of the final product, the 80-year-old Wilson has found the process a pleasurable one.

“It’s therapeutic in that I come out of this learning more about myself — my present and my past,” he said. “But the reward is more the experience of allowing myself to wander back to those times, and describe them in words as precise and concise as I can.”

The growing interest in this area comes as the population of seniors continues to swell. More websites and books about ethical wills and other forms of personal legacies have appeared, along with entrepreneurial firms to help compile them.

Author Solutions, a self-publishing house with more than $100 million in annual revenue, created a firm called Legacy Keepers (legacykeepers.com) a year ago. Drawing on a network of personal historians who conduct telephone or in-person interviews, Legacy Keepers turns the thoughts and recollections of customers into keepsake books or video and audio files. List prices range from $975 to $5,000.

“We’re early in the trend, but we think it’s going to be huge,” said Keith Ogorek, senior vice president at the Bloomington, Ind.-based company. “This feels to me like where self-publishing was a few years ago before it went mainstream.”

Members of the Association of Personal Historians (personalhistorians.org) also offer personal legacy services through small businesses with names like Celebrations of Life, Looking Back for the Future and Your Story Here Video Biography.

Susan Turnbull, who heads Personal Legacy Advisors  (personallegacyadvisors.com) in Wenham, Mass., has seen her business grow so much that she farms out some of the writing. Her services also include coaching on how to do your own ethical will, a guidebook and a customized final product in both printed and digital form that typically costs $5,000 to $10,000.

The ethical will concept, she predicts, will be very appealing to boomers as more retire.

“I think baby boomers are going to try to reinvent the end-of-life and the way of growing older the way they’ve reinvented everything else,” Turnbull said.

Dr. Barry Baines, a hospice medical director in Minneapolis and author of a book on ethical wills, is credited with planting the seed for the recent surge of interest after suggesting one to a patient who was dying of cancer in 1997. He had remembered reading a book that discussed Jewish ethical wills, first popular centuries ago in the faith with an emphasis on remembrance and legacy.

Baines is now vice president of Celebrations of Life (celebrationsoflife.net), which trains people to work with seniors to write ethical wills and life reflection stories.

“We all want to identify meaning and purpose in our lives,” he said. “These meanings, be they an ethical will or a life reflection story, are ways that give us a lot of significance and purpose.”

Beth LaMie, 64, of Kankakee, Ill., found that the personal history concept struck a chord with her and with prospective clients after being laid off from her job as a software manager for IBM.

After taking classes on memoir writing and creative writing, she founded Write On Track (bethlamie.com) about five years ago. She conducts biography writing workshops, helps clients write ethical wills and writes personal life stories for clients mostly in their 70s or older. Prices run from $300 to $1,500 for ethical wills and into the thousands for life stories as hardcover books.

Personal legacies, LaMie said, provide fulfillment while also amounting to somewhat of a claim for immortality.

“If you have a book about your life story or at least an ethical will,” she said, “there’s something tangible for future generations to see.” — AP

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Tips for international funeral shipping

Posted on 31 January 2012. Tags: Casper, cremation, funeral, international

By Joe Casper

More and more people have the desire to return to their homeland in the event of their death.

The old adage applies, “Home is where the heart is.”

With America’s ever expanding ethnic diversity, there are increasing numbers of people who want to repatriate to their homeland.

For many, funeral-shipping expenses can be restrictive and prohibitive. Too often, families are quoted international shipping costs that are way beyond their means; make sure to get a second quote. The difference in shipping quotes can run in the thousands.

Since consulate approval is mandatory, the first question a family must ask a funeral service provider is, “Are you a known shipper?” If their answer is “no” then move on, because that funeral home won’t be allowed to place the deceased on an international flight.

The receiving country must approve all international funeral shipping and regulations; requirements must be specific and clearly defined.

It is also essential that the quote obtained for international funeral shipping services is for a complete ship out. Make certain the quote obtained is complete and without additional charges. Trust, confidence and experience are so important in selecting an international funeral service provider.

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Friday Funeral Film: Hannah and Her Sisters

Friday Funeral Film: Hannah and Her Sisters

Woody Allen’s classic comedy Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) is an unlikely funeral film, as no one actually dies. But it’s instructive about living and dying. Allen shines at his hypochondriac best as Mickey, who obsesses about death and whether there’s an afterlife.

Mickey is bothered by a ringing in his ear and undergoes numerous tests. He’s convinced he has a brain tumor. When it turns out to be nothing, he’s relieved, but experiences an existential crisis. He confides his fears to fellow producer Gail, played by Julie Kavner.

Mickey: “Do you realize what a thread we’re all hanging by?”
Gail: “Mickey, you’re off the hook. You should be celebrating.”
“Can you understand how meaningless everything is? Everything! I’m talking about our lives, the show, the whole world, it’s meaningless.”
“But you’re not dying.”
“No, I’m not dying now, but, but. You know, when I ran out of the hospital, I was so thrilled because they told me I was going to be all right. And I’m running down the street and suddenly I stop, ‘cause it hit me: Alright, I’m not going to go today, I’m okay; I’m not going to go tomorrow; but eventually, I’m going to be in that position.”
“You’re just realizing this now?”
“Well, I don’t realize it now, I know it all the time, but I manage to stick it in the back of my mind because it’s a very horrible thing to think about…”

He confides that he bought a rifle and was going to kill himself if it turned out he had a tumor. He decides that he has to get some answers as to the meaning of life and if there’s a God. He takes a leave of absence from his position as a TV show producer to find some answers.

This nice Jewish boy from New York visits a priest to explore converting to Catholicism. Mickey wants to believe in God, otherwise, he says, life is meaningless. His parents throw a fit.

“I thought that you’d be happy,” says Mickey. “I haven’t thought in God all my life and now I’m giving it serious thought.”

“But Catholicism, why not your own people?” asks his dad.  Dad suggests becoming a Buddhist, and Mickey says that’s totally alien to him.

Mickey: “Look, you’re getting on in years, right. Aren’t you afraid of dying?”
Dad: “Why should I be afraid?”
“Because you won’t exist!”
“So?”
“That thought doesn’t terrify you?”
“Who thinks about such nonsense? Now I’m alive. When I’m dead, I’ll be dead.”
“I don’t understand, aren’t you frightened?”
“Of what? I’ll be unconscious.”
“I know, but to never exist again?”
“How do you know?”
“It certainly doesn’t look promising!”
“Who knows what will be? I’ll either be unconscious or I won’t. If not, I’ll deal with it then…”

Mickey’s fear of dying and not existing drives him to explore Catholicism. The priest sends him home with a huge stack of books to study. He stops at a religious store and picks up a crucifix, a picture of the Virgin Mary, a loaf of Wonder Bread and a jar of Hellman’s mayonnaise.

Later in the film, the seasons have turned from winter to summer. Mickey asks a Hare Krishna in Central Park about their beliefs. He explained that he tried, but “Catholicism for me was die now, pay later.” He especially wanted to know about reincarnation.

Toward the end of the film, he is desperate for answers about God and what happens after you die. He almost shoots himself with his rifle, and the accidental discharge of the gun really shakes him up.

He wanders the Upper West Side, and goes into a theater to try to clear his thinking and put things into a rational perspective. He winds up watching a Marx Brothers film. As he explains to Hannah’s sister Holly:

“I started to feel, how can you even think of killing yourself? I mean, isn’t it so stupid? I mean, look at all the people up there on the screen, y’know, they’re real funny and…”

“And what if the worst is true? What if there’s no God and you only go around once and that’s it? Don’t you want to be part of the experience? Y’know, what the hell, it’s not all a drag and I’m thinking to myself, Jeez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never going to get and just enjoy it while it lasts.”

“And y’know after, who knows. Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know ‘maybe’ is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that’s the best we have. And then I started to sit back and I actually began to enjoy myself.”

And why not enjoy yourself? Life is short – enjoy it while you can.

Hannah and Her Sisters (PG-13) won three Oscars and is chock full of stars, including Mia Farrow, Dianne Wiest, Michael Caine, Max Von Sydow, Barbara Hershey and Carrie Fisher. It’s available on Netflix and for sale (as available) on Amazon.com.

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Late Ambulance Cartoon

Late Ambulance Cartoon

Today’s Death Cartoon concerns ambulances that get there a little too late. Of course, it’s a Non Sequitur cartoon!

There’s a graveside funeral service going on in the cemetery. A vehicle with the Better Late Than Never Ambulance Service has pulled up and two guys are carrying a stretcher. A third guy who’s holding a clipboard says, “Oh… Ok… But we still have to bill you for the service call.”

Some service!

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NPR’s Losing Our Religion Series

NPR’s Losing Our Religion Series

This week, NPR is running a special series of stories titled Losing Our Religion. The content has serious implication for people facing loss, as today’s installment showed. This series shows why Certified Celebrants are a growing trend as officiants for funerals and memorial services.

After Tragedy, Nonbelievers Find Other Ways to Cope looks at the clash between atheists and the religious in the face of death, especially tragic, untimely ends.

Many have long turned to religion for solace in the aftermath of a tragedy, but that’s not an option for the nonreligious or those whose faith is destroyed by the event. For the nonreligious, dealing with trauma and loss often requires forging one’s own path.

One-fifth of Americans are religiously unaffiliated — higher than at any time in recent U.S. history — and those younger than 30 especially seem to be drifting from organized religion. A third of young Americans say they don’t belong to any religion.

More Young People are Moving Away from Religion, But Why? offers thoughtful interviews with young people about their growing distance from organized religion.

On Monday, the series started with The Growth of the ‘Nones.’ As religious as this country may be, many Americans are not religious at all. The group of religiously unaffiliated – dubbed “nones”— has been growing. One-fifth of Americans say they’re nones, as are one in three under 30. They’re socially liberal and aren’t looking for an organized religion.

In October, the Pew Research Center released a study, ‘Nones’ on the Rise, that takes a closer look at the 46 million people who answered none to the religion question in 2012. According to Pew, one-fifth of American adults have no religious affiliation, a trend that has for years been on the rise.

A growing group without religion has implications for funerals and memorial services. A major life change such as a death in the family calls for some sort of recognition. Religion has served to provide the rituals for the “matchings, hatchings and dispatchings” of our lives. Top hits and traffic to this blog come in for the information on religious funeral traditions.

A rise in a search for independent ways to mark end-of-life cycle transitions could happen, just as baby boomers wrote their own wedding vows. But death might not engender the same passion for self-styled ceremony as weddings do.

NPR’s series continues through the week. Tune in for more good reporting!

Update: Here’s a great Pearls Before Swine cartoon that adds commentary to the series.

P.S.: The series’ title refers to the R.E.M. song “Losing My Religion” released in 1991.

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Announcing A Good Goodbye TV

Announcing A Good Goodbye TV Funeral Planning TV Shows Talking About Funerals “Won’t Make You Dead”

Albuquerque, NM (January 9, 2013) — Funeral planning television is coming to a screen near you. A Good Goodbye TV, an educational and entertaining 12-episode series of 30-minute programs, will present expert interviews on “everything you need to know before you go.”

Host Gail Rubin brings a light touch to a serious subject. Like her award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, the television program will cover information most people don’t know about until faced with a death in the family.

“Talking about death and funeral planning issues on television enables individuals to discuss these topics with their families and take action,” explained Rubin, The Doyenne of Death® and a Certified Funeral Celebrant.

She added, “Each conversation will illustrate my motto: Talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, and talking about funerals won’t make you dead.”

By planning ahead and having a conversation, families can reduce stress at a time of grief, minimize family conflict, save money and create a meaningful, memorable “good goodbye.” Topics to be covered include funeral planning, cremation, cemeteries, green burial and eco-friendly funerals, life celebrations, pet loss, insurance, estate planning, reducing costs, end-of-life issues and much more.

The program will initially air on public access channels in Albuquerque (available in more than 100,000 homes) and along the Rio Grande corridor from Santa Fe to Las Cruces (690,000 households). The series will be offered nationally to 2,700 content-hungry public access channels across the U.S. Pay-per-view online downloads with 10-minute YouTube teasers and DVD sets grouped by topic will follow.

Ads incorporated in the initial 12 programs will enjoy exposure in all distribution channels. The series will debut with four fixed promotable time slots per week on Comcast Channel 26 and 27 in Albuquerque. Each program will have additional free repeats known as “freepeats.”  There will be at least one future season rerun.

L to R: Barbara Stewart, Susan Broersma and Tom Antram with FRENCH, Host Gail Rubin, and Producer Sean Wells

The anchor sponsor for the series is the FRENCH Family of Companies, including FRENCH Funerals-Cremations, FRENCH Advance Planning, Sunset Memorial Park, Best Friends Pet Services, Best Friends Forever Pet Cemetery and Cremation Society of New Mexico (CSNM).

FRENCH is the recipient of the National Funeral Directors Association’s 2012 Pursuit of Excellence® Award and a member of Selected Independent Funeral Homes.

A Good Goodbye TV offers a great avenue for appropriate companies to expand their consumer reach in a targeted way. The DVDs of the program can be used as an educational tool and in displays at trade shows.

“The interest that funeral homes, suppliers, and financial planners have shown in sponsoring the series is really encouraging. There’s really no TV show like this and as an advertising vehicle it targets interested consumers directly,” said Rubin.

The series producer is Sean Wells with Videotero, LLC. Filming will begin in February 2013. For details on sponsorship levels, visit http://agoodgoodbye.com/a-good-goodbye-tv-series/ to download more information.

# # #

ABOUT GAIL RUBIN

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is author of the award-winning book A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (www.AGoodGoodbye.com) and The Family Plot Blog. Host of A Good Goodbye television series, she’s also a Certified Celebrant and a popular speaker who uses humor and films to get the funeral planning conversation started.

Rubin is a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling and the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association. She’s Vice President of the Jewish-Christian Dialogue of New Mexico, helping to start conversations across religions. She is well versed in Jewish funeral and burial traditions.

Contact: Gail Rubin
PH: 505-265-7215
Email: Gail@AGoodGoodbye.com
Website: http://www.AGoodGoodbye.com

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Woody Allen on Life, Death and Advance Directives

Woody Allen on Life, Death and Advance Directives Woody Allen the hypochondriac in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

Filmmaker, actor, writer and comedian Woody Allen wrote a brilliant opinion piece in Sunday’s New York Times: Hypochondria – An Inside Look. His essay provides a great conversation starter on advance directives and end-of-life issues.

Allen insists he’s not a hypochondriac but an alarmist. He doesn’t experience imaginary maladies — his maladies are real. He explains:

What distinguishes my hysteria is that at the appearance of the mildest symptom, let’s say chapped lips, I instantly leap to the conclusion that the chapped lips indicate a brain tumor. Or maybe lung cancer. In one instance I thought it was Mad Cow.

The point is, I am always certain I’ve come down with something life threatening. It matters little that few people are ever found dead of chapped lips. Every minor ache or pain sends me to a doctor’s office in need of reassurance that my latest allergy will not require a heart transplant, or that I have misdiagnosed my hives and it’s not possible for a human being to contract elm blight.

Even though he is in great health and takes great care with vitamins, supplements and exercise, still, the fear lurks.

But what’s this obsession with personal vulnerability? When I panic over symptoms that require no more than an aspirin or a little calamine lotion, what is it I’m really frightened of? My best guess is dying. I have always had an animal fear of death, a fate I rank second only to having to sit through a rock concert. My wife tries to be consoling about mortality and assures me that death is a natural part of life, and that we all die sooner or later. Oddly this news, whispered into my ear at 3 a.m., causes me to leap screaming from the bed, snap on every light in the house and play my recording of “The Stars and Stripes Forever” at top volume till the sun comes up.

I sometimes imagine that death might be more tolerable if I passed away in my sleep, although the reality is, no form of dying is acceptable to me with the possible exception of being kicked to death by a pair of scantily clad cocktail waitresses.

The real fear, though, is experiencing a fate worse than death: a debilitating stroke, a coma (when he’s aware and can’t change the channel from Fox News), or being on life support and hearing relatives argue about pulling the plug. The worst is ending up a living vegetable.

This is a great humor-filled essay to help start those advance directive conversations with your family. Read the essay and start a conversation today!

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Recycled Cemetery Flower Dresses

Recycled Cemetery Flower Dresses Recycled Cemetery Flower Dresses

Now here’s a cool use of spent silk flowers from the cemetery: high fashion! These images were part of an Art in Stiches blog post by Susan Lenz, creative fiber artist.

In 2010, she participated in a fashion show of recycled garments. Her entry was a dress created from recycled silk flowers and leaves from local cemeteries.

She did NOT take flowers from graves, she rescued discarded arrangements from dumpsters and trash cans. (And there are plenty of cemeteries that clear out flower arrangements on a regular basis – see my January 21 post.)

She made a dress to wear to the fashion show of green flowers and leaves (see photo to the right and close up below). It was, after all a show to highlight being green, so why not?

All the leaves and flowers were taken apart and thoroughly washed. She had used them at a solo show in other artwork. Susan Lenz documents the process of putting the dresses together at her blog.

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Friday Funeral Film: Get Low

Friday Funeral Film: Get Low

“The Real Story Behind the Movie Get Low” is one of the most-visited posts here at The Family Plot Blog. While the true story is fascinating, as today’s Friday Funeral Film, Get Low offers vital lessons on funeral planning BEFORE there’s a death in the family.

The basic story: Felix Bush (Robert Duvall) is a Tennessee hermit with no regard for anybody in the nearby town. No one in town wants to get to know him. They are scared by his gruff demeanor and stories of evil history. One day, after he hears that a contemporary has died, he goes into town. People are afraid of him. Bush decides that he needs to get his affairs in order and find out what stories people are telling about him.

He recruits Frank Quinn (Bill Murray), the local funeral home director, to host his own funeral. This way he can hear what everyone is saying about him, and get the truth about his mysterious past out in the open.

The film story does not reflect the real story in many aspects. In real life, Felix “Bush” Breazeale’s funeral party took place in the summer of 1938 with eight to twelve thousand people attending. In the film, the event took place in the winter with a hundred or so people. Nonetheless, let’s look at the story for its funeral planning lessons.

“Everybody Dies”

Felix Bush first visits a local preacher to arrange his funeral. “‘Bout time for me to get low,” he says, meaning “get down to business.” The preacher asks, “Are you sick?” “Everybody dies,” Bush replies. He wants to know what the preacher would say about him and the preacher admits he doesn’t know much about him and asks if he has made peace with God.

“I’ve paid,” says Bush. “You can’t buy forgiveness,” replies the preacher. This sends Bush out of the church in search of a way to do his own funeral his own way.

Lesson number one: Religious dictates can drive people away from funeral planning. At least Bush is facing his mortality and starting to take some steps for his own goodbye in his own way.

Funeral Party Planning

Before Felix shows up at the funeral home, Frank Quinn bemoans the lack of business saying, “What are the odds of a funeral home going broke? You have a business that everyone on earth needs, and yet, I don’t know. What do you do when people don’t die?”

His comments show that funeral directors do want people to come in and plan. They are hungry for your business. When Felix Bush shows up with his out-of-the-ordinary request for a funeral party, Frank says yes.

Most funeral homes want your business. If you’ve got ideas for a truly different event, they are willing to work with you to make it happen. If a funeral home won’t work with you to create the kind of event you want, it’s a good bet there are other establishments in town that will.

Funerals and weddings have similar elements. Yet, if brides and grooms planned their weddings the way most people plan their funerals, they’d be scrambling to pull everything together in three to five days. When Quinn shows Bush his caskets, Bush says, “Forget the box. What else?” Quinn names flowers, burial plot, and a service. At their most basic, both weddings and funerals call for a place and time to hold an event, and a list of people to invite for attendance.

The recent cable program “Best Funeral Ever” showed the extent to which some funeral directors will go to make a life celebration out of a funeral. It was interesting that Quinn’s assistant Buddy said, “The whole thing about making a carnival out of someone’s death, I just don’t know if it’s right.”

Let’s look at some of the steps Frank Quinn took in Get Low to create Felix Bush’s funeral party:

He had Mr. Bush’s picture taken to create flyers advertising the funeral party.He outfitted Bush in a new set of clothes.He placed ads in newspapers and posted flyers in four counties (public invitations).He arranged to have Bush interviewed on the radio, to alert everyone in a four county area about the event.He collected the money raised by the raffle of Bush’s property.He had a stage set up in a field for the event and brought in a band to play music.He set up a public address system powered by a generator for the funeral party.He managed the money and all the event elements.

Lesson number two: Funeral directors are event planners. Funerals are simply the party no one wants to plan.

Lesson number three: Having a funeral party for yourself (before one is deceased) is perfectly appropriate. Why not draw everyone together to celebrate your life while you are still around to enjoy the party? It’s especially good for those on hospice care, when a limited life span is officially recognized.

We can stop pretending that life as we know it will never end and celebrate the days we have. Get Low shows one way to get out there and take a stand.

Get Low was released in 2009/2010 and is rated PG-13. It is available on Netflix and for sale (as available) at Amazon.com.

The Doyenne of Death® Gail Rubin helps start serious conversations by presenting talks that use funny films to illustrate funeral planning issues. More information at http://www.AGoodGoodbye.com.

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Article on Healing Funerals

Article on Healing Funerals

The website Funeral Home Resource recently ran an article I wrote on Healing Funerals. Titled Create a Healing Funeral with These Four “Rs”, it covers four key elements of any good funeral or memorial service.

The four Rs stand for Recognize Reality, Remember, Reaffirm Beliefs and Release the Spirit. More details in the story at the Funeral Home Resource website.

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Restricting Flowers in Cemeteries Sends Wrong Message

Restricting Flowers in Cemeteries Sends Wrong Message

Is it wrong for cemeteries to remove flowers to keep things tidy? In yesterday’s Albuquerque Journal, columnist Leslie Linthicum wrote about a policy change at the Catholic cemeteries run by the Catholic Cemetery Association, titled Flowerless Cemetery Feels ‘Cold’.

The Catholic Cemetery Association, an independent agency that manages two Catholic cemeteries in Albuquerque and one in Santa Fe, describes its mission to the living on its website: “By encouraging the visits of family and friends of the deceased, we seek to foster an environment on which love is remembered, hope is rekindled and faith is awakened and strengthened.”

Notice the flowers in the background at this mausoleum.

Except they’ve changed their policy on the leaving of flowers, and that impacts visitors.

The Catholic Cemetery Association had already mandated that only artificial flowers be allowed in its mausoleums. They recently enacted a policy that it would clear away decorations in the mausoleums every month and outside in the cemetery every week.

Rather than encourage more visits, the policy has swept away many of the colorful tributes that families brought in memory of their loved ones. As Leslie visited the mausoleum with Nanci Carriveau, who visits her family’s crypts there on a regular basis, Carriveau noted the lack of flowers.

“This used to be full of flowers,” she said as we walked past a who’s who of Albuquerque family names on bronze markers. “It was so beautiful. I used to come here and sit and look at the flowers. It made me feel so warm and so loved.”

She said she could understand cemetery managers getting rid of tattered or dirty displays. But today’s silk flowers are beautiful and last a long time. The mausoleum is a climate-controlled building, so flowers placed there don’t get dirty or faded by the sun or shredded by the wind.

So, what is the problem with flowers remaining at a crypt for more than 30 days?

No word from the Catholic Cemetery Association in reply to Carriveau’s inquiries. Responses are running 50-50 for and against the new policy. Take away the flowers and it’s tidy but cold. Keep them there and you see the love and the personalities. Silk flowers don’t die – what’s the problem?

Isn’t a cemetery a place to express your love for those who have gone to their rest? You can compare the picture of the barren mausoleum wall in the Journal story with the above photo from the 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge. It was taken in the mausoleum at Sunset Memorial Park. Flowers do make a big difference in the mausoleum.

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Both Sides Now Headstone

Both Sides Now Headstone

A recent Non Sequitur death cartoon takes us to the cemetery for a thoughtful headstone.

A couple walking by sees the marker which reads “Seeing life from both sides now.” The woman comments, “I’m guessing a big Joni Mitchell fan…”

Maybe it’s someone who actually sees above and below….

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