Funeral Flower Etiquette by Religion

Funeral flower etiquette can be different for every culture and religion. It is very important that before attending a funeral or wake that you know the religion’s customs. Even though you may think that everyone would appreciate receiving flowers, it is not appropriate in some cultures.

During this difficult time, it is important for an individual who is planning to either visit the funeral or send flowers to the family to learn about the funeral flower etiquette of the deceased’s family. Flowers may be delivered in person or sent to the family’s home. Or, the flowers may be delivered to the funeral service, burial, or wake. Depending on when and where the flowers are sent, the etiquette may vary. For example, it may not be appropriate to arrive at the funeral with flowers, but it may be acceptable to send flowers to the family a few weeks after the funeral.

The following are some religions and their funeral flower etiquette. If you do not find the information below and are still unsure about the etiquette, refer to the obituary. The family will often include at the end of the obituary some information on whether or not they would like to receive flowers, donations, or other memorial gifts.

Roman Catholic Funeral

Flowers are acceptable during funeral wakes and services of Roman Catholics. The flowers can be sent to the church, funeral home, family’s residence, or to the wake. An individual can also send donations to the family of the deceased if they have requested them in lieu or flowers.

Protestant Funeral

A Protestant funeral ceremony celebrates the deceased person’s life and highlights the afterlife. Flowers are appreciated by the family and can be sent to their home or sent to the funeral home or church. The family may also request that donations be made to a charity they have selected.

Mormon Funeral

During a Mormon funeral flowers are acceptable, but an individual is advised not to send flower arrangements in the shape of a cross. Crosses and crucifix are not permitted because they believe in the bodily resurrection of Christ. It is advised to offer condolences and provide flowers before or after the funeral.

Jewish Funeral

Funeral flowers are not appropriate in Jewish traditions. Individuals are highly encouraged to send donations. A rabbi performs the funeral service and the deceased is buried right after his death. The family sits in mourning for seven days and fruit and food baskets are taken to the home.

Buddhist Funeral

A Buddhist family will accept flowers, but you should never send red flowers. White flowers are the traditional Buddhist flower color and are preferred. Also, it is not appropriate to send the family food. A donation may be made if the family has selected a charity.

Muslim Funeral

Whether or not to send flowers to a Muslim family depends on their beliefs. Some people believe that the Islamic emphasis on simplicity makes sending flowers inappropriate. However, some people will say that sending a simple flower arrangement is ok.

Hindu Funeral

A Hindu funeral takes place within 24 hours of death. Mourners should not bring anything to the funeral and not exchange greeting with other guests. A ceremony is held 10 days after the death where fruit should be brought for the family, but flowers are still not appropriate.

The funeral flower etiquette for the religions listed above give you the typical procedure for giving flowers. However, no matter what the religion the family may have different preferences. Often families prefer donations to a charity they select in lieu of flowers. Or, the family may not want flowers or any gifts at all. If you are unsure, refer to the obituary for more information. If there is no information in the obituary, you could ask a relative or close friend of the family. If you are still unsure, give the family a sympathy card and express your condolences for their loss.

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Funeral Poems For A Friend

It is hard to say goodbye to a friend who has passed on. Funeral poems for a friend can help put in to words the numerous emotions we are feeling at such a difficult time. A poem can be read at the funeral service if you choose to say a few words about your friend, or can be included in a sympathy message to the family.

A friend is someone who we can rely on in good and bad times. A friend is someone who we can share everything with without any hesitation. Having a friend by our side is the best feeling in the world because we know that we are never alone. You will surely miss a friend who has passed on, but you can always share to everyone the things you both did by writing funeral poems for a friend. If you are having difficulty writing a poem yourself, do not worry because you can us one of the poems below.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night – By Dylan Thomas

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Do not stand at my grave and weep – By Mary Frye

When I am gone, release me – let me go
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you love,
you can only guess, how much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love each have shown,
but now it is time I travelled alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must,
then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
so bless those memories within your heart.
I will not be far away, for life goes on.
so if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you cannot see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you, soft and clear.
Then when you must come this way alone,
I will greet you with a smile and “Welcome Home”
When I Am Gone – By Unknown Poet

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And
sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, lon I stood And looked
down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair. And
having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear.
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay. In leave
so step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet
knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh.
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took
the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The Road Not Taken – By Robert Lee Frost

If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I’d walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.
My heart’s still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.
Since you’ll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you’ll always stay.
God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.
I Knew you for a Moment
If Tears Could Build A Stairway – By Poet Unknown

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want to rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little-but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me-but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the Master’s plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me but let me go.
Miss Me But Let Me Go – By Anonymous

Though we never know
Where life will take us,
I know it’s just a ride
On the wheel.
And we never know
When death will shake us
And we wonder how
It will feel.
So Goodbye my friend.
I know I’ll never see you again.
But the time together
Through all the years,
Will take away these tears.
It’s OK now – Goodbye my friend.
I see a lot of things
That make me crazy,
And I guess I held on to you,
You could have run away
And left – well maybe,
But it wasn’t time
And we both knew.
So Goodbye My friend.
I know I’ll never see you again.
But the love you gave me
Through all the years
Will take away these tears.
I’m OK now – Goodbye my friend.
Goodbye, My Friend – By Anonymous

Knowing that a friend has left you is sad. Even though the journey of you and your friend has ended, all the memories will not fade away as long as you remember the bond that you both shared. When you write, or select, funeral poems for a friend, you will remember the friendship you and your friend shared whenever you read it.

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Famous Funeral Poems

Everybody can attest that saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do. Reading famous funeral poems at the memorial service will help to express that final farewell. Poems help put in to words the thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to express during such an emotional time.

For most people the thought of writing a funeral poem seems like a difficult or impossible task. However, a poem makes a nice addition to a funeral eulogy or can be part of a memorial. Luckily, there are numerous writers who have written poems that are appropriate for a funeral. The following are the most famous funeral poems that are traditionally read at a funeral service.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night – By Dylan Thomas

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Do not stand at my grave and weep – By Mary Frye

When I am gone, release me – let me go
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you love,
you can only guess, how much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love each have shown,
but now it is time I travelled alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must,
then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
so bless those memories within your heart.
I will not be far away, for life goes on.
so if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you cannot see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you, soft and clear.
Then when you must come this way alone,
I will greet you with a smile and “Welcome Home”
When I Am Gone – By Unknown Poet

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And
sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, lon I stood And looked
down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair. And
having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear.
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay. In leave
so step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet
knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh.
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took
the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The Road Not Taken – By Robert Frost

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He (She) is Dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policeman wear black cotton gloves.

He (She) was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week, my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song:
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out everyone;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Funeral Blues – By W.A. Auden

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more, day by day,
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that I once had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Remember – Christina Rossetti

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free!
Miss me a little, but not for long,
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love we once shared,
Miss me, but let me go!
For this a journey we all must take,
And each must go alone;
It’s all a part of the master’s plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
Miss me, but let me go.
Miss Me, But Let Me Go – By Robyn Rancman

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene , he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life, that there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him, and he questioned the Lord about it. ” Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed you most you would leave me”.

The Lord replied ” My Son, My precious child. I Love You, and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you”.
Footprints – By Author Unknown

The famous funeral poems listed above are the most commonly read poems during a memorial service. You can also use all, or part, of the poem on a plaque or monument. It is important to cherish the fond memories we share with our friends and family. It will always be difficult to say goodbye to a loved one who has passed away, but using a funeral poem can help to express our feelings over their passing.

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Funeral Poems For Father

A father is an important figure in the family and reading funeral poems for father help to honor him at the funeral. Poems can express the thoughts and feelings we are unable to put into words during such a tragic time. Poems can also be used to describe the personality and qualities of the person who passed away.

Funeral poems for father can be used as part of a funeral speech or can be printed on the memorial folders handed out at the funeral. All, or part, of a poem may also be used on a plaque or monument created in tribute to the person. Whether the poem is written by a family member, or a famous author, it is a nice way to create a lasting memorial. Whenever the poem is read in the future it will remind the person reading the poem of their friend or relative who passed away.

The following are a collection of the most popular funeral poems for father. We hope that one of the poems below will remind you of your father and will be used as part of his funeral service.

You never said “I’m leaving”
You never said “goodbye”
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why.

There are no words to tell you
Just what I feel inside
The shock, the hurt, the anger
Might gradually subside

Dad’s Poem – By Poet Unknown

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it … “DAD!”

What Makes A Dad – By Unknown Poet

Not how did he die, but how did he live?
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?

These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not, what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?

Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away.

Not How Did He Die, But How Did He Live? – By Author Unknown

There was no time to say goodbye
But this I ask – please do not cry
Remember me as you think best
The happy time – forget the rest.

Look for me and I’ll be there
And you will find me everywhere
In the gentle touch of breeze
That cools the skin or swirls the leaves.

In the scent and color of flowers
That gave to me such happy hours
On sunny days under sunny skies of blue
Just think of me, I’ll be with you.

In winter when there’s cloud or mist
The rain will give to you my kiss
As wood smoke lingers in the air
Look for me and I’ll be there.

Where seagulls cry above the sea
And surf rolls in so endlessly
Among towering trees that soar above
In all these things that i once loved
Look for me and I’ll be there
You’ll feel my presence everywhere.

I’ll Be There – By Author Unknown

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night – By Dylan Thomas

As I look up to the skies above,
The stars stretch endlessly–
But somehow all those rays of light
Seem dimmer now to me.
As I watch the morning sun appear,
The shadows still don’t fade—
As if the brightest light of all
Was somehow swept away.

Though I see the branches swaying,
And watch their dancing leaves–
The echoes carried on the wind
Don’t sound the same to me.
As I listen to the morning birds
Sing softly from afar–
It seems to be a mournful tune
That echoes in my heart.

Another day has come again,
As time moves surely on–
But nothing now seems quite the same,
To know that he is gone.
The days and weeks and months ahead
Will never be the same–
Because a treasure beyond words
Can never be replaced.

The loss cannot be measured now,
The void cannot be filled–
And though someday the grief may fade,
His mark will live on still.
For even with my heavy heart,
I know that I’ve been blessed
To have been one who’s life he touched
With warmth so infinite.

As I Look Up to the Skies Above – By Author Unknown

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and
turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

He Is Gone – By David Harkins

Select one of the funeral poems for father above to create a memorable memorial for your father. Read the poem at the funeral service or print it on a memorial. Whenever you read the poem in the future it will remind you of how important your father was to you.

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Memorial Service Etiquette

Families who lost a loved one appreciate people who attend the funeral service and offer condolences. If you attend a funeral, memorial service etiquette is of the upmost importance. Especially if you have never attended a funeral before it is important to learn how to act at the funeral.

Below are answers to the most commonly asked memorial service etiquette questions. This will provide you with the basic information required to attend a funeral and act appropriately. However, even knowing the information below, the etiquette required will often be related to the type of funeral service and the family who organized it. It is important to consider the family and how they would like guests to act. Is the family traditional and conservative, or are they laid-back and carefree? Make sure to consider the memorial service etiquette listed below and the family’s beliefs before attending the funeral.

What To Wear

Traditionally, most people would wear black to the funeral service. This is because the color black symbolizes grief and sympathy. But today, the color of the clothes that an individual wants to wear no longer matters as much as it did in the past. At most modern funerals, guests are allowed to wear any color they want as long as it does not disrespect the deceased person’s family. Everyone attending the funeral should wear something conservative that does not attract attention. Typically, men wear a suit or khakis and a dress shirt, and women wear a blouse or dress. What you wear is dependent on the family’s values and the type of funeral. For example, a traditional religious funeral at a church would require more formal attire, compare to a less-formal wake at a person’s house.

How To Act

It is important to arrive at the venue early. It is recommended to show up at least 15 minutes before the funeral service starts. After arriving at the funeral home or church, it is advisable to find a seat right away. If the family is available you can offer your condolences to the family before proceeding to a seat. If the family members are accommodating several people, it is better to wait and speak to them after. It is also recommended to keep socializing with other people attending the funeral at a minimum until after the ceremony.

Children At The Funeral

If the children are still very young and wouldn’t really understand what is happening, it is advisable to not bring them to the funeral service. They can cause disruption to the service by crying, talking and moving too much. If the children are old enough, they can attend the funeral, but should first be educated about what will be happening at the funeral. It is important that they understand death and are not surprised by the funeral process.

Show Respect

The main rule in the memorial service etiquette is to be respectful at all times. Refrain from eating and drinking inside the church or the funeral home. Avoid chit chatting with other visitors, especially during the funeral service. Resist answering phone calls or responding to text messages. It is recommended to completely turn the phone off during the funeral.

Gifts and Flowers

Flowers are the most common and safest choice of gift for the family of the deceased. Flowers can be brought to the funeral or sent to the family. However, nowadays many families request memorial donations in lieu or flowers. Typically information on where to send flowers or donations is included at the end of the obituary. It is helpful to read this prior to attending the funeral so that you do not arrive with a large bouquet of flowers if the family requested no flowers.

It is important to understand memorial service etiquette prior to attending a funeral. The information above will provide you with the basic information you need to attend a funeral and act appropriately. In addition, it is important to consider the family’s religious beliefs and traditions prior to attending the funeral.

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Home Funerals-WBUR

Friday, 22 November 2013 13:10

Boston public radio's WBUR has written the best piece on the emotional and practical realities of do it yourself home funeral care we've seen. You can also watch video of one young couple talk about caring for their infant daughter at home after death. Hats off to Rachel Zimmerman, the editor, and to the home funeral guides and families who took part!

Death remains a topic that many of us would rather avoid. And when it comes to the actual nuts and bolts of caring for the dead, most of us tend to think it's best — and furthermore, required by law — to let professional funeral arrangers handle the arrangements.

Well, it turns out that in most states it's perfectly legal to care for your own dead. And, with new momentum to shatter longstanding taboos and stop tip-toeing around death — from "death with dignity" measures sweeping the country to projects promoting kitchen table "conversations"about our deepest end-of-life wishes — a re-energized DIY death movement is emerging.

Find the whole story here. 

 

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Before You Go!

Thursday, 07 November 2013 14:43

Don’t take your last wishes to the grave. bigcoverwebversion

Our popular funeral planner is brand-new and expanded for 2013!

Before you go, they should know. . .

• Your funeral plans
• Where your important papers are
• Who should take care of your pets and how
• Who to call when the time comes
• That you love them enough to get it together with. . .

Before I Go, You Should Know®, the comprehensive end-of-life planner. Featuring illustrations by Edward Gorey, BIG has more than 30 pages to record everything from your preference for burial or cremation to how to close down  your social media accounts and online life.

bigpetspageIncludes: 

—Two free chapters from the book Final Rights with consumer funeral and burial rights and rules specific to your state. 
—A survivor’s checklist of important but often overlooked tasks when death occurs.
—A place to record all the biographical information your family will need for an obituary, funeral, or memorial service  

Before I Go makes a great stocking stuffer!

Last Updated ( Thursday, 07 November 2013 15:08 )  

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Funeral Dress Etiquette

At a memorial or burial service there is certain funeral dress etiquette that defines the proper attire for men, women, and children. Typically people attending a funeral will choose to wear conservative clothing. Men and women tend to wear black and darker colors in reverence for the one who died. These darker colors reflect the conservative attitude of the wearer, and it has been the tradition to wear these colors in respect of the grieving family.

The solemnity of the event should reflect in the manner of clothing, and a simple dress or suit would be enough to extend the mourning spirit and thus, extend sympathy for the family.  For children, on the other hand, comfortable, dark clothing without logos or faddish ensembles would perfectly suit the event. Funeral dress etiquette calls for a more traditional style that captures the mourning spirit and extends the condolences of the wearer.

However, there are certain families that would encourage more upbeat, brighter colors instead of the traditional funeral dress etiquette. Those who are young, and young at heart, can deviate from the traditional style to more fashionable and bright clothing. They can go for lighter colors and women may wear dresses that are knee-length and do not reflect the traditionally conservative occasion. However, even if the family encourages attendees not to wear black or dress in casual attire, it is always recommended to be somewhat conservative. Do not wear t-shirts, clothes with loud patterns or logos, or any other clothes that would not be appropriate for a funeral.

It is always appropriate with funeral dress etiquette, especially for women and children, to cover the shoulders and have a degree of conservativeness. Certain families will prefer long dresses that are ankle-length, and those who prefer long-sleeved dark clothing. Thus, to be able to dress suitably to a funeral, it is most preferable to evaluate what type of family they are, or to ask the grieving family about the type of clothing that they should wear. It is not unseemly to ask, especially since funerals are special occasions that call for suitable attire. If there is no time to ask, then choose attire that is respectful and conservative. It is not necessary to wear all black, but wearing some black or darker colors is a good idea.

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How to Choose a Poem for a Funeral Service

Funeral poems are used during a funeral service to commemorate the passing of a loved one. However, you do not want to pick any poem to read, it has to have a special meaning. It is important to learn how to choose a poem for a funeral service before selecting a poem to read as part of your eulogy.

Poems are used to express the emotions of the people left behind, or the messages they have to the deceased. Whatever the purpose of funeral poems, one thing is for sure: they are expressions of love. If you are speaking at a funeral for the first time you may need help choosing a poem for a funeral. Writing, or selecting, a funeral poem is a very personal task and it varies from one person to another. The following information will help you select the perfect funeral poem.

The most important factor to consider when choosing a poem for a funeral service is to decide on the purpose of the poem. By knowing what point you want to express, and the reaction you want to elicit, this will help you decide what poem to select to read at the funeral service. The following are some of the most common reasons poems are read during a eulogy.

1) Share memories

A funeral poem is a unique way to share your memories and describe your relationship with the deceased. Was the person who passed away a friend, girlfriend or boyfriend, spouse, parent, sibling, child, grandparent, teacher, boss, coworker, or someone else? No matter what your relationship, a poem can be used to describe the moments you shared together. For example, if you would like to read a poem about your mother, you can select a poem written about a mother who lived her life dedicated to raising her children. Or, you may be reading a poem at the funeral of a teacher. In this instance you may select a poem about a leader in the community who influenced and positively impacted the lives of everyone he or she knew. Remember that it is not necessary to read personal stories at the funeral; a poem can be used to share your memories and describe how the person influenced your life.

2) Honor the deceased

Another reason to choose a poem for a funeral is to honor the deceased and highlight their greatest qualities. Think about what things remind you the most about the deceased person. It may be personality traits, physical features, or their interests. For example, if the person had an outgoing personality and was always smiling you could select a poem about a cheerful person. Or, the poem may not be about a person at all, but may be about happiness and laughter; which, can be related to the person. Another way to honor the deceased would be to use the poem to share his or her interests with the people at the funeral. For example, the deceased person may have loved the outdoors and a poem about nature may be a good choice to read at his or her funeral.

3) Express emotions

Finally, one of the most common reasons for reading a poem at a funeral is to express the emotions that the person reading the poem is feeling. When faced with the loss of a loved one it can be very difficult to put in to words how much the deceased person was loved. It is also difficult to express the sadness and pain felt over the loss. Reading a funeral poem can help to express your emotions without having to think of the words yourself. There are numerous poems that have been written about love and loss that would be a good choice for reading at a funeral.

The three points above are a few of the main reasons why you would read a poem at a loved one’s funeral. Understanding what point you want to express to the audience at the funeral will help you choose the perfect poem for a funeral service. Now that you know the types of funeral poems available, we recommend that you read our other articles on selecting funeral poems that are listed below. You will find dozens of poems that are appropriate for reading at a funeral service.

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Is the Eulogy the Most Important Part of the Funeral?

If you went to a wedding and the speeches were given by someone who barely knew – or had never even met – the people getting married, would that seem strange?

And yet often this is what happens at a funeral, when eulogies are written and delivered by someone who is a complete stranger to the person who died. Which is why it’s so great that you are reading this page, because you giving the eulogy for someone you love and care about is going to make a huge difference to you, and to all those who hear you.

Great eulogies follow a simple structure – words of introduction, words of ending, and some stories in the middle. Those stories can’t cover a person’s whole life, of course, but they can give a real sense of their life, of who they have been as a person. And you’ll probably start with the stories from when they were young – or from when you first knew them – and move on to things that happened later.

And yes, the stories can be funny – a great eulogy will prompt laughter as well as tears. And we all want to remember the good times, even in these saddest of moments.

Below is an example eulogy from How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps. If you want to find out more about this downloadable guide you can do so here.

This real-life eulogy – which I myself read at my brother-in-law’s funeral – was delivered on behalf of the family, and is written as if coming from a group voice, which is why the word “I” doesn’t appear, and the word “we” does. It includes stories and anecdotes, and shares feelings, while at the same time being a brief story of Robert’s life.

“Robert was born in April 1967, the youngest of the six children of Andrew and Celia Wheeler.

His elder brother Stephen’s prayer was answered and after four sisters along came Robert. Sally had managed to get the day off from school and was the first sibling to hold the newest of the Wheelers, a beautiful baby boy. His name was soon shortened and he was known as Bertie as a baby, and later as Rob to his many friends.

He was always cheerful, a bouncing toddler with a head of curls which Mum could hardly bring herself to cut. Michelle found him irresistible and would wake him from his naps to play. Anne remembers walking to the shops with him toddling at her side, imagining that he was her child. With five older siblings, Robert had to learn to hold his own, but he was a good-hearted and gentle child and we loved him for that. 

Robert was eager to be a part of Stephen’s gang and would trail along after him in his Paddington Bear duffel coat and red boots. At the Saturday morning cinema show Sally remembers Stephen sending him up on to the stage to cause havoc by walking in front of the screen. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Stephen.

At St Mary’s Primary School Robert met Jason who was to become a fixture in his life until the very end. Jason has described Robert as his dearest friend for thirty-three years.

Once the young Rob and Jason were doing the school raffle. They apparently went round the classes selling the tickets and when they found that they had some unsold tickets left over, they both innocently wrote their names down on these spares and put them into the ticket box. When the tickets were drawn and Robert’s name came up for each prize, suspicions were aroused and he became known as Robert Stealer!

Being the youngest, Robert always had someone in the family to play with but as the older ones began to fly the nest he grew closer to Pam, his youngest sister. They were always out and about getting into scrapes and having adventures. Once in a while though Pam would be the one left behind to face the music because the boys had all legged it quicker than her.

In Robert’s late teens Sylvester Stallone was his role model, and Robert got into body building and joined the local athletics club. His self-assurance grew as he spread his horizons, made lots of new friends and proved himself through his skill at javelin throwing, becoming regional Under 19 champion. He blossomed into a very handsome and strong man, who was totally unaware of his good looks – which of course made him even more likeable!

Around this time Joanna arrived on the scene when she lodged at our house while studying. For Robert she was the one. Beautiful, bright and at ease in herself and with others, Robert made a wise choice in her. At their wedding, his friend Jason made us all laugh when he recalled that it was around the time that they met that Robert was finally able to shed the teenage carapace of his furry hooded parka. 

With Joanna, Robert was at his happiest. Together they grew into adulthood and shared some fantastic times together, especially whilst living and working abroad. She was the making of him and we witnessed the way he grew so much in confidence because they traveled together and she encouraged him to try new things. 

Robert and Joanna were married in July 1998 at a church in the Forest of Dean. At the hotel, the lawn where we gathered for pictures was set against a backdrop of beautiful beech trees, a setting which Robert loved. It was a superb day, full of laughter, full of love and full of great memories.

To know loving kindness was to see Robert with children. His nieces and nephews began arriving when he was in his teens and he immediately showed his facility with children. He was a wonderful uncle to them. Robert could meet them on their terms, with sensitivity and affection. They knew they could go to him for counsel, or for comfort or to just hang out with. He was always ready to play, encouraging them, listening to them and loving them.

In answer to all his hopes Joanna gave him two beautiful children of his own, a son Peter and daughter Isabelle. Robert was completely delighted and quickly proved himself to be a very hands-on Dad with masses of patience and lots of energy. 

All of us agree that if any of us ever had a problem, Robert was a great listener. When diplomacy was called for, he could be relied upon. He knew what to say, to show that he cared and give support without blame. He had become a wise man.

Many of our happiest family times were down at the coast and once he had his own family Robert loved to take them to the beach. 

In those harrowing last days, with Joanna’s unfailing support Robert made it to the beach at Southsea. There he was able to look out at the power of the waves and the vastness of the sea. Amidst all the pain and sadness it is a comfort to think of this journey they made together and to imagine that fleeting moment of happiness for Robert looking out towards the sea.

Our dear son and brother, this world is a lesser place without you. 

Robert, we will love you always and forever.”

Click here for more information on my downloadable guide How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps, complete with poems, quotations, public speaking tips and fill-in-the-blanks eulogy templates.

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How to Choose the Right Headstone, Memorial or Gravestone

Choosing the right headstone, memorial or gravestone is a delicate and sensitive matter, which must be carefully considered. Representing the life and character of the deceased through engravings and images allows friends and family to create a lasting and striking impact. Whilst losing loved ones is never easy, their legacy can live on. Here are some tips on how to choose the right headstone, memorial or gravestone and some all-important factors to think about. 

Consider Stone Type and Colour

One of the first factors to consider in finding the right headstone, memorial or gravestone is what stone type and colour to choose. From graphite to marble there are an array of rock forms available, most of which come in a variation of shades. Whilst most cemeteries tend to allow any kind of natural stone, churchyards have stricter limitations and some types of rock are not permitted. Those unsure of which rock forms they are able to use should consult with their stonemason to seek advice. 

Think about Size

Deciding upon an appropriate memorial, headstone or gravestone size is an important aspect of the decision process. Often there is a maximum size allowed but this is highly dependent upon the place of burial or erection. Whilst memorials are often larger, as many are crafted in respect for groups of people such as soldiers or royal families, all three are available in a range of sizes. The size of the memorial, headstone or gravestone can also represent the physical age of the deceased, but again, this is entirely dependent on the wishes of those closest.

Choose Quotations

Quotations are often prominent on memorials, headstones and gravestones, and are a great way to represent the character, life and spirit of those who have passed away. Sayings that had meaning and importance can be passed on through generations, and ultimately can create a lasting legacy. From choosing the right colour to the correct font, there are many things to think about when deciding upon quotations. Every aspect is equally as important, and will create a strong impression on those passing by, as well as family and friends.

Decide upon Photo-plaques and Ornamentations

Photo-plaques are essentially an image of a loved one that can be set onto their gravestone, headstone or memorial, providing that the photo is of a high quality. Backgrounds can be taken out of the photo, depending on the family’s desires and images will be made to be durable and hard-wearing, ensuring that they last for decades to come. A great visual reminder of those who have passed away, photo-plaques are becoming an increasingly popular option when it comes to choosing the layout of gravestones, headstones and memorials.

Ornamentations are likewise a superb visual reminder, often symbolic of religion, hobbies, or personality that is added to the plaque. From the serious symbol of a cross to a fun image of a motorbike, there are a range of inventive and original ornamentations that family and friends may choose to include in order to make the gravestone, memorial or headstone truly unique.

Conclusion

Choosing the right gravestone, headstone or memorial includes thinking about a variety of aspects. From considering whether or not to include photo-plaques and ornamentations to thinking about the stone colour and size, there are many elements to consider during this process. Those unsure of what to include should consult with their stonemason to ensure that they are fully content in their final decisions.

Article written by memorial headstones mason firm, Memorials of Distinction.

By Tom Reynolds

Tom Reynolds works in the marketing department of Memorials of Distinction - a family run stonemasons and sculptors business based in the UK. Tom has a wealth of experience in funeral planning.

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How to Write a Speech for a Funeral

Eulogies are one of the important parts of the memorial service, which is why it is important to learn how to write a speech for a funeral before delivering the eulogy. The family may choose one “eulogist” (the person who delivers the eulogy), or multiple people. Typically it will be some of the immediate family members and a close friend who give a speech at a funeral. Remember that if you have been asked to give a speech at a funeral it is a huge honor.

“The funeral is a time to pay tribute to the person’s life. The eulogy acknowledges the unique life of the person who died and affirms the significance of that life for all who shared it.” according to Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, a noted author and grief counselor. A eulogy serves two purposes; first, it provides the eulogist an opportunity to say goodbye to the deceased and express to everyone at the funeral how much the person meant to him or her. The second purpose of a eulogy is to share information about the deceased with friends and family in attendance. The eulogist can share fond memories and highlight the attributes that made the deceased person special. This gives everyone in attendance an opportunity to reflect on the person’s life and learn more about what type of person he or she was.

1. Select a theme

The first step for learning how to write a speech for a funeral is to decide what type of eulogy you want to write. A eulogy will typically be written with a biographical or personal theme. A biographical theme recounts the life history of the person in chronological order. It discusses the person’s childhood, family, relationships, children, career, interests, and so on. A biographical theme will help people attending the funeral learn more about the life of the deceased person. The other type of eulogy uses a personal theme. A personal theme is more focused on memories that people have of the deceased. It will include biographical information, but the information will be shared using more of a conversational tone. The eulogist will share their favorite memories and may also include favorite memories of family and friends.

2. Collect information

The second step is to collect the information for the eulogy. Spend time reflecting on time you spent with the deceased and write down your favorite memories. Looking through old photo albums will help to trigger memories that you shared and your favorite qualities of the individual. Next, you may want to interview family and friends of the deceased to collect more information that you may not have had. The following topics will help you to collect the information for the eulogy.

- Where was he or she born

- Family information: Parents, brothers and sisters names

- Childhood: location and interests

- Education: high school, post-secondary and any awards/achievements

- Relationships: marriage, divorce and any other significant relationships

- Children: children, grand-children, etc

- Career: positions held, achievements, etc

- Organizations: military service, charities, fraternal and other clubs

- Interests: sports, hobbies, travels, etc

- Other: any other special facts about the person

3. Organize your notes

Now that you have learned how to write a speech for a funeral and what to include it is time to organize your thoughts. You should have multiple pages of notes with information you collected from others and wrote yourself. The next step is to organize the information into an order based on the theme of the eulogy. Write the headings of each section in order and organize the notes under each heading. During this step you can also eliminate any information that you find unnecessary to include in the speech.

4. Write the speech

After you have organized the notes under headings it is time to turn them into properly structured paragraphs. Do not worry about perfecting the speech; the goal of the first draft is to turn the notes into a speech. After you have written the first draft, read through it a few times and cross out any information that is not required. The next step is to focus on fixing spelling and grammar errors. You should now have a well-written speech that you would be happy to read at your loved one’s memorial service.

5. Practice the speech

Now that you have the final copy of your speech it is time to practice it. The goal is to become familiar with the speech and comfortable reading it, but not to memorize it. Read through the speech on your own as many times as you want. It can help to read the speech into a tape recorder to hear how it sounds. Or, read it to a friend or family member. They will be able to give you feedback and suggest changes.

6. Deliver the speech

Print a copy of the speech in a large font and bring it with you to the funeral. Everyone in attendance will understand if you need to refer to the paper during your speech. Also, try not to worry too much about getting emotional during the speech. Friends and family understand how difficult the situation is and will be sympathetic if you get emotional. If you find that you are getting emotional during the speech, pause and take a deep breath then continue. If you are very worried about getting emotional you could provide a friend or family member a copy of the speech and request that they read it on your behalf if you are unable to do so.

You now know how to write a speech for a funeral and it is time to get started. The most important thing to remember is that the friends and family attending the funeral will appreciate any words that you say about the deceased. Think about your favorite memories you shared with your loved one. The eulogy gives you an opportunity to show everyone how much the person meant to you and what qualities made them so special.

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How to Buy a Memorial Monument

Cemeteries are full of all kinds of memorial monuments and choosing the right one is a difficult decision. Before you select a memorial monument, read through the information below. A monument is an expensive purchase and will permanently mark your loved one’s grave. Furthermore, the monument will be inscribed with a few words that will create a lasting tribute to the person. For these reasons, and more, it is important to do research and choose the best possible monument for your loved one.

Simply put, a memorial monument is any type of marker in a cemetery to mark the location of a grave. Monuments can be erected in other locations, such as a park, to pay tribute to a person or group of people. However, these types of monuments are typically built in remembrance of a noteworthy person. This article will focus on purchasing a memorial monument for a cemetery.

Since there are many ways people want to express their love for the dead, the simple cemetery monument has evolved over the years.  People want the best monument for his or her loved one and today, there are a wide variety of types, sizes and designs to choose from.

There are numerous types of material that can be used to create a memorial monument; however, the following are the most durable and commonly available.

Granite

Granite is the most popular material for a memorial monument. Granite is beautiful and extremely durable, making it a perfect choice for a monument. Granite is difficult to carve by hand, but modern machinery can inscribe almost any type of text or imagery on the stone.

Marble

Marble is easier to carve than granite and because of that it used to be more common. However, marble is more porous and will deteriorate faster than granite. It is also more expensive than granite, which is why it is far less common to see a new marble memorial monument in a cemetery today.

Bronze

Bronze is a common type of monument because of its longevity and lower cost compared to stone monuments. A bronze plaque is typically attached to a headstone or flat marker. Bronze can be cast in different shapes and engraved with text and images.

Eco-Friendly

Wood crosses are used as roadside monuments and at green funerals. They are low-cost, but will only last 50 to 100 years. Planting a tree or other plant in remembrance of a loved one is becoming common. Especially if the tree is planted where the casket or ashes are buried.

There are numerous styles of monuments available and most companies can create a custom monument in any shape; however, the following are the most common styles.

Upright

An upright monument is one of the most popular monuments and comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. Upright monuments are also referred to as headstones and tombstones. A typical upright headstone is rectangular, but can also be shaped like an angel, heart, or other design.

Flat

Flat monuments are becoming increasingly popular because of their lower cost due to less material required. Many cemeteries prefer flat markers because they do not detract from the natural landscape and their lawnmowers can easily drive over them. Flat markers are almost always a rectangular shaped, but custom designs are available.

Slant/Bevel

A slant monument is a cross between a flat and upright monument. The slant, or bevel, monument is raised slightly off the ground and slanted forward making it higher in the back and shorter in the front.

Companion

A companion monument can be upright, flat, or slant. It will be longer in length and have room to commemorate the life of two people, typically a husband and wife. Sometimes two individual monuments are combined to make a companion monument.

Before buying a memorial monument, you should first check if there are any restrictions in your chosen cemetery. Some cemeteries do not allow certain types of monuments. There may be restrictions on the monument material, shape, size or design. You should also discuss installation with the cemetery to see if they provide installation assistance, or if the monument company will have to install the monument for you. If you are purchasing the monument from a local company they should be familiar with the regulations and can help you choose the perfect monument for your loved one’s grave.

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Selecting the Best Message for Sympathy Flowers

Sending flowers is one of the oldest traditions when someone has lost a loved one and selecting the best message for sympathy flowers is important. Flowers are sent when someone passes away for several reasons. One, you can express yourself through flowers. It is a visual expression of love, sympathy, and respect. They are also a representation of support and show that you share in the burden of grief of the loss. However, it is not enough to just send flowers, but there must be a meaningful sympathy message with it.

Choosing a message for sympathy flowers is even more difficult than choosing the right flowers. The message must be short, but at the same time must mean a lot. There are three types of sympathy cards that can be sent with flowers. These are personal sympathy cards, generic sympathy cards, and religious sympathy cards. Personal sympathy cards are personalized cards and what we recommend. Personalizing the message adds affection to the sympathy you are offering. If you can’t think of what to say, sending a generic sympathy card is better than not expressing your sympathy at all. A generic card may include a non-religious or religious message.

With sympathy for your loss.

With our deepest condolences.

We are very sorry for your loss.

With sincere sympathy and condolences.

My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your _____.

Please accept my condolences.

May your heart find comfort during this difficult time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

With loving and caring thoughts.

I am thinking of you during this difficult time.

Please accept my deepest condolences on your loss.

I am sorry to hear about your loss and you are in my prayers.

My heart and prayers goes out to you in your time of grief.

Words cannot describe the loss we are all feeling right now.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your _____.

I hope these words of sympathy will keep your spirits up and give you hope.

I send these words of condolence with love and commemoration of _____.

I hope that these flowers brighten your day.

With sincere sympathy from the _____ family.

May these flowers will help in expressing our heartfelt sympathy.

We send you these daisies as a remembrance of _____ beautiful daisy garden.

May these flowers convey our most genuine sympathy, especially for you at this hard time.

May these flowers bring you serenity and ease in these difficult moments.

Please take these flowers as a sign of our earnest condolences.

In loving remembrance of a friend. You and your family are in our prayers.

Giving flowers offers a way to express sympathy to the bereaved. They also mean giving of support, and sharing the weight of the emotion of loss. Flowers are a visual representation of sympathy, respect and love. We know that it is hard to put sympathetic feelings into words but the flowers help to do it for you. However, adding a personalized message along with the flowers is more appropriate and it is critical to choose the best message for sympathy flowers.

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Short Funeral Flower Card Messages

Death is incredibly sad and with death comes funerals and a lot of other difficult things to deal with. As a family friend, or a close or distant relative, it is important that we let the family feel our support, care and love. There are a lot of ways we can show our sympathy to the grieving family. One is by sending flowers with personalized short funeral flower card messages.

Sending funeral flowers is important in several ways. First it is considered proper funeral etiquette to send flowers and a card, especially if you cannot come to the funeral or if you cannot come visit at the wake. Second, sending a card to the family shows how much you cared for the deceased and share the grief felt by the family. Moreover, it is a way of comforting the family and helping ease the pain of loss.

However, it can be very difficult to decide what to write in funeral flower card messages. It is because sometimes, there are just no words to say that can express your grief. Sometimes, we cannot fathom what our hearts feel and even though we say, “Everything’s going to be fine,” we know it will not be. The following are a few of the most popular short funeral card messages that you can use to express your grief.

With deepest sympathy.

With condolences.

We are sorry for your loss.

With sincere sympathy.

My heartfelt condolences.

Please accept my condolences.

My prayers are with you.

With loving and caring thoughts.

Sent with love and remembrance.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

With sincere condolences.

In loving remembrance of _____.

You will always be in our minds and prayers.

Gone but will never be forgotten.

In divine love remaining.

With love, you are always in my mind.

Treasured Memories.

You’ll always be in our hearts

God will bless and keep you in his care.

Wishing you were still here.

Goodnight and God bless.

Always be remembered.

Sleep peacefully, love _____.

In tender memoir.

Rest in solemnity and serenity.

May God keep you by His side.

Oh good Lord, grant unto him eternal rest.

As time passes by, memories of you will never die.

It is a sad incident if someone you know has passed away. It is important to remember to send a card to let the family of the deceased person to let them know that you are sharing the same grief. It will also show your respect and sympathy. However, it is undeniable that making a card is difficult. It is hard to decide what funeral messages for cards to write. We know that the family or relatives are suffering and there are no words that will eliminate their grief. However, the family will appreciate the thought and any words will provide them with some comfort. We recommend that you use one, or a combination or, the short funeral flower card messages above.

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5 Funeral Supplies for Green Burials

The following is a guest post contributed by Mobi Medical Supply:

Green burials are designed to leave a minimal impact on the environment. Traditional burials take up vital space in the ground, and non-decomposing coffins stay there forever. If you want to make sure your burial is a ‘green’ one, you need to utilize eco-friendly mortuary science techniques using the right equipment. Here are five funeral supplies for green burials.

Biodegradable Caskets
Biodegradable caskets will break down over time, which means that the burial will not have a permanent impact on Mother Nature. They still provide protection for the body during the funeral, but eventually they fade away. Wicker is the most common material for this kind of coffin, but there are other alternatives available. If you want to avoid a casket altogether, you could use a cloth shroud instead.

No Embalming
This is not so much a funeral supply but a lack of one. If you want to have a true green burial, you cannot allow the body to go through embalming. This action is required for certain diseases or transporting a body across the state border. Any other time, you can let the body go without being embalmed. You will need to plan the funeral shortly after the passing in this case, and you may want to opt for a closed casket ceremony. Centuries from now though, your loved ones’ body will be part of the earth because of your decisions.

Efficient Lowering Devices
Old casket lowering devices dug into the ground and left heavy imprints around the burial mound. Modern ones do not require that much of a footprint, making the smallest mark on nature possible. When you choose a funeral home to work with, make sure they have modern equipment to handle your needs. If you own a funeral home, you may want to invest in new funeral home supplies to do your part in the green burial procession.

Plants
Why not use the burial plot as a small garden in honor of your loved one? You could plant a tree in place of the tombstone, or you could turn the dirt mound into a large flower pot. Not only does this add beauty to the cemetery, but it also honors the deceased in a special way. Fake flowers and granite don’t have the same impact.

Seeds
If you have a chance to stick around while the casket is being covered, throw some seeds in for grass, flowers, trees, fruit – whatever you think your loved one would like. If your mother loved making apple pie, plant some apple seeds on top of her casket. As these seeds grow, they will bring new life to the plot and restore the memories you have of your friend or family member.

Green burial is not a passing fad. It is a new perspective on traditional burials that could make a huge difference on the environment. With the right funeral home supplies on hand, you could honor someone close to you without making a dint in the ecosystem. Everyone wins!

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What is a Committal Service?

A committal service is one that succeeds a funeral. It is usually a short ritual that involves prayers held at the graveside of a dearly beloved. As the coffin is lowered to the ground, people say their final goodbyes. Regardless of the type of funeral that has pr0ceded, whether it was just a quick cremation ceremony or a traditional one that lasted for hours, a committal service is important because it gives people the opportunity to eulogize the deceased.

The common attendees at a committal service are the immediate family members and closest friends and relatives. At a committal rite, the life of the beloved who passed away is given light. By means of stories, poetry, and songs, a person’s years are commemorated. Some people prefer to incorporate the sharing of thoughts during a church or funeral service with all family and friends around. However, many families also want to have a private event with immediate family and a funeral service and committal service are both performed.

What Happens At A Committal Service?

Just like all rituals for honoring the dead are different, what takes place at a committal is also dependent on the family’s cultural affiliations. What the group practices are what and how the ceremony should proceed. Typically, the brief rite involves opening sentences, prayers, and benediction acts. With a reference to religious customs, the most important individuals to the deceased are given enough time to present something for everybody else to remember. It may be in the form of a spoken testimonial or an announcement of a legacy. Either way, the life of the dead is commemorated without the distraction of the larger crowd at a funeral service.

If you’re planning a committal service, you must remember to keep it brief. Although it depends on you and your family’s preference on how you wish to bid your goodbyes, everybody expects that the committal service will be short. This is because most people also have a funeral service, which is much longer and gives friends and family the opportunity to eulogize the deceased. The point of an internment is for the closest family to gather and have a private service to pay their final respects to loved one.

At the committal service members of the immediate family and sometimes the closest friends of the deceased gather as the closed casket is lowered into the ground. Often a family member will shovel the first dirt onto the casket. Family members and close friends may throw flowers into the grave as it is lowered into the ground.

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Grief Tools: Keeping a Journal

Expressing your grief through healthy outlets such as writing in a journal can give emotions that feel negative a positive, healthy conduit to beginning a healing process. The practice of writing in a journal can also create a personal source of self-empathy – a gift to and from yourself as you walk through your own mine field of grief, writing and then re-reading your self-expressions.

Whether you are a regular writer, or rarely sit down with a pen in hand, you can benefit greatly from the practice of writing in a journal on a regular basis as you cope with the death of a loved one.

1) Pick a Journal

To begin incorporating a journal-writing practice into your healing process, start by choosing a journal that beckons you to open it up and write inside. It can be a simple composition notebook, or an intriguing leather-bound journal from a specialty store.

2) Handwriting or Typing? 

It’s ideal to handwrite as the connection between the hand and the brain is most powerful here. But, if you’re really not comfortable handwriting, there are several online journal websites you can use or, simply use a basic office document on your computer.

3) Where to Start?

You do not have to be a skilled writer to start a journal and experience the benefits of this practice. Using an open free writing process can get the words flowing freely. Write whatever comes to mind. If you don’t know where to start, begin by answering these three questions:

How are you feeling today?

Is there anything that’s bothering you?

What are you grateful for?

4) How Do I Express What I’m Feeling?

This is the place to be completely open and honest. Whatever comes naturally, put it down without censoring it. Your journal is your safe space where you can say the things you may not say out loud to any one else.

If you’re angry, and you feel compelled to curse at your journal, do it. If you’re sad, and you want to scribble long run-on-sentences expressing every ounce of that sorrow, write until your pen runs out of ink, or your arm is tired.

This free write process will hopefully create a channel for you to begin to pour out whatever emotions are stirring within.

5) Incorporating Quiet Reflection

Consider going for a hike or walk in nature, and finding a quiet spot to write under a tree, or beside a stream. Close your eyes, inhale and exhale three long, slow breaths, then try not to think while you sit quietly in total stillness. At first, this may be an uncomfortable feeling, but as you settle into the quiet, you may begin to feel a sense of peace.

From this space of stillness, you can begin to observe what you are feeling. Ask yourself questions: Are you angry? Are you tired? Are you feeling a mixed bag of emotions, or is one predominantly overtaking at the moment?

When you are ready, open your eyes, and try again to write what you noticed and uncovered.  This is especially helpful if you’re still struggling with where to start writing. It should begin a stream of consciousness that opens the doorway to expressing more of what is alive in you.

6) Uncovering the Sources of Your Pain

As you begin noticing and observing your feelings in your quiet reflection and writing,  you can take on a role as an investigator, seeking to uncover the sources of your pain that lie beneath the emotions. Continue asking yourself questions, peeling back the layers of emotion like an onion.

What is it you miss most about your loved one? What were the most sacred gifts they gave you in your time with them? Did they give you a sense of meaning, connection, friendship? How did they provide companionship, security, stability, connection or meaning in your life?

7) Can’t Find the Words?

If at any point, you’re feeling completely stuck and unable to begin writing, try writing about anything around you just to get a flow of words started.

“The dog is at my feet begging for attention right now, I think I need to let him out but I don’t want to. Right now, I just want to sit here and try to write because I…”

Sooner than later, this almost always leads to that steady stream of consciousness.

8) How Long Should I Write For & How Often?

A rule of thumb is to write until you have filled three pages, or until you can’t write anymore. The longer you write, the more you will begin to express.

Make a goal to write daily, or at the least, weekly.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions at any time, force yourself to put pen to paper and write about whatever is going on to give those feelings a healthy outlet.

9) A Dose of Self-Empathy & Compassion

When you’re done writing, take the time to go back and re-read what you wrote. Consider this a dose of much-needed self-empathy as you reflect on the emotions and experiences you wrote about.

Allow yourself to feel compassion for the person who wrote those words, much like you would feel towards a child who had skinned his knee. These words hold the most tender soft spots of your pain – they deserve honor and compassion both.

Re-reading your journal entries may prompt even more “ah-ha” moments as you learn more about the specific sources of your pain. Feel free to continue free-writing where you left off to document new discoveries, thoughts or feelings.

10) A Path to Healing

As you continue this process, you’ll find that after each writing session, you feel a little lighter. It may not change the way you feel, but in giving voice to your feelings, and a dose of self-empathy, you may begin to feel less bogged down by the weight of such intense emotions.

Over time, you can look back at what you’ve written and observe the ebb and flow of emotions vs. healing. You may begin to notice that you’re feeling some of these emotions less intensely, or that you’re more able to work through them you were before.

Consider your journal a best friend and confidant as you work through your grief – a trusted source of compassion, empathy, and expression. Take comfort in the time you give yourself to write freely, and express yourself openly, and honestly. Give yourself the gift of quiet reflection and writing time as often as possible – whenever you are feeling awash in grief, and even when you begin to feel glimmers of joy and gratitude as you work through your healing process.

By Megan Aronson

After a devastating string of twenty deaths in four years, Megan Aronson now uses her personal experiences to empower others to tend to their pain with conscious intention. She enjoys writing and speaking about the unique healing tools she uncovered through her own grief process, offering practical methods for growth and healing after the death of a loved one

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The Most Popular Green Burial Options

Green burial options are becoming more and more accepted today across the United States. A survey was taken in 2008 asking respondents if they would consider a green burial. 43 percent of those asked said that a green burial is something they would consider, a dramatic 21 percent increase from the response generated by the same survey just a year earlier. The growing popularity of green burials can be attributed to a wide range of factors. It could be due to the trending enthusiasm behind becoming more environmentally friendly, or it could just be people are becoming more in tune with the idea of letting nature take its course without any metal coffins or embalming chemicals.

What exactly are green burials?

Green burials, also referred to as natural burials, are environmentally friendly burials which require less energy to create, consumer fewer resources, and are non-toxic. These burials are designed to naturally biodegrade, greatly benefiting the growth of native trees, flowers, greenery, and other wildlife in the area. Experts estimate that over 60,000 tons of steel and 4.8 million gallons of embalming fluid are buried each year with traditional cremation burials. Green burials present a healthy, natural alternative.

Planning a green burial isn’t any more difficult than a more traditional funeral is; it’s just a new process. Here we are going to reveal the most popular green burial options to make it easier for you to realistically consider the possibility of having a green burial.

Green Caskets

Green caskets usually consist of sustainably harvested poplar wood and made without any varathanes, metals, hinges, dyes, or chemicals. Poplar trees are often referred to as “weed wood” because they mature at a particularly fast rate, allowing them to quickly reforest an area after being planted. Green caskets use traditional carpentry methods together with non-chemical adhesives to join corners as an alternative to using nails and screws, which take a very long time to naturally break down.

Natural Land Protected by Cemeteries

There are six fully certified conversation cemeteries around the United States. These certified grave sites are governed by rules that ensure the entire burial process remains completely natural and organic. For example, one of the rules is every grave site must be dug by hand, and only biodegradable material is allowed to be buried with the body. Conservation easements on green burial sites ensure that no further development will be permitted on the land. The land can be protected forever.

What are the costs of a green burial?

Green burials can be less expensive than more traditional funerals because the process is much simpler. There are no metal caskets or expensive embalming fluids used. However, due to the many steps of a green burial that require manual, non-automated labor, the costs of a green burial remain more expensive than a cremation.

Take Time to Consider Green Burial Options

The environmental stress relief a green burial provides is tremendous, it really does make a difference. Strongly consider choosing one of the green burial options if the idea of resting with nature organically appeals to you. Going green is by far the most environmentally friendly burial option available today.

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Green Funeral Service Ideas

In today’s environmentally conscious society, planning events to be ‘greener’ has become an established standard. You too can make your funeral service significantly more environmentally friendly with just an extra 20 minutes of planning. All it takes is a little effort to make a big difference. This article will help you discover the best ways to plan a green funeral service. Read on to get started now.

Finding the Bad Reveals the Good

Step one is identifying all the potential environmentally unfriendly activities that typically take place at a funeral. Don’t limit yourself to only thinking about the obvious, consider even the most common, mundane steps such as:

InvitationsReceptionTransportationFlowersLocation

Those are some of the main points to help spark your mind. Think about what a traditional funeral service expects of each listed point, then think of the potential environmental dangers. For example, consider carpooling with friends and family to both save gas, and avoid potential parking issues at the reception. There are many quick fixes, such as carpooling, that can instantly make your funeral service more environmentally friendly.

Use Eco-Friendly Funeral Products

Hinted above, purchasing local flowers grown without pesticides can reduce your eco footprint while supporting your local economy. The problem with purchasing flowers online, or from big box stores, and having them delivered is the heavy stress the large delivery trucks and excessive packaging puts on the environment. Consider creating a flower fund for the entire family to guarantee only the best eco-friendly flowers are purchased all at once.

Minimize Use of Resources

After the funeral service ends, most family and close friends tend to gather together at a local home. Consider waiting until that moment to have lunch together and share memories. If you’re looking to have a picnic at a natural burial ground, remember to bring re-usable plastic containers, avoiding non-recyclable disposable sandwich bags.

Another tips is avoiding using paper entirely by emailing funeral invites and thank you notes rather than using cards that are going to be in the trash just a month later. If you choose to go the digital route and email family and friends it may be a good idea to have everyone RSVP by phone call. This ensures everybody receives your email without any technical issues.

Use a Green Casket

Green caskets are specially designed to biodegrade naturally. They are constructed with sustainable wood products absent of any dies, chemicals, or metals, using traditional carpentry methods to create corners and folds. Green caskets tend to have a higher price tag than their more common metal alternatives due to the manual labor they take to create. Green caskets are often handmade in small specialty woodworking shops. They are very beautiful pieces of art that also benefit the environment around us.

Planning a Green Funeral Benefits Everybody

Planning a green funeral service is a great deed to the local eco-system. Doing your part to better the environment is an honorable thing, especially at the time of a funeral. For even more green funeral service ideas, consider having a green burial done in a natural burial ground. Every small adjustment which betters our world is a step in the right direction.

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Burial Service Pros and Cons

A burial service, or graveside service, is a funeral that takes place in the cemetery at the grave of the deceased person. It is performed as an alternative to a memorial service, which includes a ceremony at a funeral home or church as well as a burial. At a burial friends and family gather at the grave. A minister or chaplain conducts the service, which involves saying some words about the deceased and a few prayers. Friends and family may be asked if they would like to contribute a few words of their own. The casket is then lowered into the grave and people at the service may throw flowers in the grave onto the casket.

A burial service is chosen instead of a funeral service for a variety of reasons, with the most common being the lower cost and simplicity. The following list explains in more detail the burial services pros and cons when compared to a funeral service.

PROS

Time - A burial service often only takes 30 minutes. This is more convenient for friends and family to attend. A funeral that includes a burial will take 4 to 6 hours and will require attendees to take an entire day off work if the service is during the week. The graveside service is less stressful for a grieving family, because it will be finished quickly.

Simplicity - A burial service is far easier to organize. You may want to have flowers at the grave, but other than that no other funeral products are required. A funeral service will often include funeral stationery, a video tribute, decorations, and more.

Cost - Because a burial service is simpler it is also far cheaper. The cost of using a funeral home, paying for food, flowers, and everything else included with a traditional funeral service is very expensive. Families will often choose a cemetery service to save money.

Eco-Friendly – A reason for a burial service that has become more popular recently is because it is greener. Families will have a natural burial at a green cemetery in an effort to protect the environment. The simplicity of a natural burial means that fewer natural resources are used when compared to a traditional funeral service.

CONS

Less Social – One of the benefits of a funeral service is that it gives friends and family an opportunity to get together and share memories and help each other through the grieving process. A burial service does not have time for this interaction. If a family choses to do a burial instead of a funeral, they will often have a gathering at their house afterwards where everyone can socialize.

Less Personalized – A burial service is far less personalized than a funeral service. A funeral includes eulogies from friends and family. Furthermore, songs, prayers and hymns, video presentations and other tributes are part of a memorial service. A cemetery service is very simple and rarely includes speeches other than the family saying a few words.

Less Religious – Depending on your faith, a funeral service may be necessary. It is difficult to include the prayers, hymns and other religious ceremonies that are part of a traditional funeral at a burial service.

The reasons listed above are the most common pros and cons for choosing a graveside burial service instead of a traditional funeral service. The decision on whether or not to have a burial, funeral, or both, will primarily depend on your budget and beliefs.

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Five Benefits of a Green Funeral

Although it may not be the first thing that comes to mind when considering funeral options, traditional funeral methods actually harm the environment in different ways and there are a number of benefits of a green funeral. Cremation can put mercury and other pollutants into the air, and will still require other materials aside from the body for the process. Burial in the ground requires the harvesting of wood, and the use of embalming fluid, which will enter the local soil once the body begins to decompose.

A green burial, on the other hand, has a minimal impact on the environment, especially when considering the carbon footprint that creating a casket, producing embalming fluid, or burning matter create. Instead, the deceased will be able to choose a location where their body will be buried in a shroud, without embalming, that will be used to nurture plant life, including growing trees. Here are five benefits of a green funeral and why you may want to choose to have one.

It’s Natural

One of the more obvious qualities of a green funeral is its association with nature. The green funeral will have a greatly reduced impact on the local environment when compared to other funeral options. The body will be returned to the earth, a poetic sentiment often cited in religious and philosophical literature as part of the cycle of life and death. New life will benefit directly from that which has passed.

It’s Comforting 

Knowing that you will become one with the earth can be a source of comfort, but it can also comfort those who mourn you. When your life goes on to help a tree to grow, you will have a living monument that loved ones can see as a continuation of your memory. Most green burials are marked with a simple flagstone, as opposed to a much larger headstone.

It’s Less Expensive

A green funeral can cost as little as $2,000 or less, depending on where you wish to be buried, whereas even an affordable traditional burial can cost $6,000 or more. Green funerals involve less materials, less preparation, and require less money as a result, which means more of your estate can go to the people that you care for.

It’s Safe

Although contamination of water may be a concern with a green burial, the truth is that any bacteria within the body will quickly become inert before the issue arises. Green burials are commonly placed far away from open sources of water as well. In addition, there is no combustion, and thus no harmful pollutants will enter the air, as is the case with cremation.

It Improves the World You Love

Green burials can enrich the soil with organic material, providing much needed nutrients and nurturing the microorganisms that plants need to grow and survive. Stronger trees mean an area has better protection against storms and flooding, and helps to reduce the pollution that has already taken a toll on the world. Green cemeteries provide a rich, strong foundation for plant life that can be enjoyed by generations to come.

The above five points are only a few of the benefits of a green funeral. Read the other articles on green funerals listed below to learn more about planning a green funeral for your loved one.

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Embalming rooms no longer universally required in Minnesota

Tuesday, 15 October 2013 10:25

10/15/2013

The Minnesota District court sided with the Funeral Consumers Alliance of Minnesota and Verlin Stoll, owner of the low-cost Crescent Tide Funerals and Cremation, striking down the state's requirement that every funeral home or branch have a fully equipped embalming room. The requirement served no rational purpose, the court ruled, especially in situations where a funeral home sales branch would not have on-site body preparation. Owner Verlin Stoll argued successfully that the $50,000 to $80,000 cost to build an embalming room served no public protection purpose. Instead, it served to limit competition among funeral homes by weeding out low-overhead, moderate-priced businesses like Crescent Tide. 

The court decision noted,

Minnesota law requires every “funeral establishment” to build a preparation and embalming room, regardless of whether on-site preparation of human remains will be performed on site. Although Minnesota law mandates the construction of a preparation and embalming room by every funeral establishment, there is no requirement that the preparation and embalming room be used.  

Indeed, embalming is not required by law in Minnesota (no, not even for public viewing); other options such as dry ice and refrigeration are legal alternatives. 

Once again,  the team at the Institute for Justice escorted another antique, anti-consumer funeral regulation to a proper burial. Hats off to IJ and the volunteers at FCA of Minnesota!

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 15 October 2013 10:51 )  

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