Is Nantucket a bellwether for the funeral industry?

Wednesday, 06 August 2014 00:00

Update 8/6/14 --- Despite lobbying efforts by funeral home and cemetery industry groups, a bill passed by the Massachusetts legislature will allow Nantucket residents to form a non-profit funeral service on the island. The bill exempts Nantucket from certain laws that would impede their plans, such as requiring a chapel in all funeral establishments. Read about the bill here. 

The New York Times ran a fascinating story July 13 about the closure of Nantucket Island's only funeral home. This is causing residents logistical problems, as bodies have to be shipped off the island by ferry to a mainland funeral home.

But on Feb. 14, the day of Ms. Davis’s funeral, New England was digging out from a huge snowstorm and bracing for the next. Foul weather forced the cancellation of the ferry that was to bring Ms. Davis home. Her body spent almost a month on the mainland at the funeral home, but suspended in what her daughter called a heartbreaking limbo.

What's interesting to us, though, is how the story highlights two foundational problems in the American funeral industry:

1. The vast oversupply of funeral home relative to the population
2. Anti-competitive hearse-circling from the organized funeral industry

Most people don't realize that the US has almost twice as many funeral homes as it would need to adequately serve the population while providing a good living for the funeral home and staff. In some states there are four to five times as many as needed.

Unlike in other sectors, like restaurants, more rooftops doesn't lead to price competition. It's just the opposite. A restaurant can find ways to keep you coming back for meal after meal. But a funeral home can only sell you one funeral, no matter how good their marketing. There's a fixed, absolute number of deaths per capita. The more funeral homes there are, the fewer calls there are to go around. So prices go up. Or, as Nantucket's experience shows, some are finally going out of business.

The Times notes Nantucket's loss of its only funeral home "inspired some to redouble their efforts to establish a nonprofit funeral service here." Of course, there's a but:

But they are being opposed by powerful organizations representing Massachusetts’ cemeteries and funeral directors. Those groups say Nantucket’s efforts could open the door for other towns to set up their own funeral homes, which, they say, would undermine state regulations and even threaten public health. Local officials say those arguments are specious and that the organizations are simply worried about losing business.

"Public health." "State regulations." These are the funeral trade groups' favorite excuses for opposing any and all potential competition. The local officials are right; these arguments are specious. Funeral homes are not part of the public health infrastructure despite the industry's century-long campaign to elevate itself to the prestige-level of physicians. Contrary to popular belief, dead people are not a public health menace (those of us still top-side are the ones who spread disease, not the inert dead). It should embarrass the industry that its trade associations are still peddling this unscientific nonsense. And it's not plausible that they simply don't know any better. They do, but they are willing to pretend otherwise because they know that connecting "dead bodies" with "health" provokes an emotional fear response from the public. So much the better for a retail sector that wants to own everything we do with our dead.

Nantucket citizens deserve praise for ingenuity and compassion. Launching a nonprofit funeral service to take care of their own is in the best traditions of rural self-sufficiency and neighborly care. Undertakers' trade groups should be ashamed of standing in the way. Especially when it's their creaking, antique business model that got Nantucket where it finds itself today.

Interested in how the funeral industry uses the lawmaking process to make your funeral more costly? Read "Circling the Hearses," the first chapter from Final Rights: Reclaiming the American Way of Death.

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 06 August 2014 15:04 )  

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Who Has the Legal Right to Arrange a Funeral?

By Josh Slocum
Executive Director
Funeral Consumers Alliance

Conflicts between family members and interested parties over who has the legal right and precedence to make funeral arrangements for a person are sadly common. Here are the basics.

Designated Agents---Most states have some form of a law that allows a person to legally designate anyone she wishes to have the sole legal right to make and carry out funeral arrangements. For a list by state, see this link.

If the deceased had a designated agent in place, that person's directions will overrule anyone else's, regardless of marriage or other kin.

In the absence of a designated agent, the legal authority goes like this, from highest to lowest:

1. Living spouse or domestic partner
2. Adult child or children (states vary; some require only one child's permission while others require majority or unanimous agreement)
3. Parents
4. Siblings
5. Grandparents

. . .and so on down the line of ever more distant relations.

Important ---The most frequent "unfounded" complaint we receive at FCA has to do with anger at a funeral director for allowing someone to make funeral arrangements, someone the complainant believes is not legally entitled to do so. While there are cases where funeral directors knowingly (and illegally) allow this, most of the ones we see are not actually the funeral director's fault. It's important to discern whether your complaint is actually with a family member who misrepresented himself to the funeral home.

Remember, there is no "next of kin database" in existence. Funeral directors have no way of knowing that dad's live-in girlfriend isn't his legal wife if she says she is. And no, it's not reasonable to expect funeral directors to demand marriage certificates or some other "proof" of kinship. State laws require funeral directors to make a good faith effort to secure the permission from the legally authorized people. But that depends on them knowing who those people are, and a party who lies to the funeral home can upset the process.

If you think someone has illegitimately taken over the funeral arrangements for a family member, try to ascertain first whether that person was actually the deceased's legal designated agent. And it's worth giving the funeral director the benefit of the doubt unless you have evidence that he or she knowingly participated in a fraudulent transaction. Most funeral directors don't, and they don't want to be a referee over family disputes. I can't blame them. Quite frankly, I've been shocked at how cruel and mean-spirited otherwise nice people can behave when they see an opportunity to have a go at a despised relative over the funeral arrangements.

ORIGINALLY POSTED IN THE FCA DISCUSSION FORUM 3-14-2014

Last Updated ( Saturday, 15 March 2014 21:07 )  

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Jewish funeral activists ask FTC to change course

Tuesday, 31 December 2013 15:30

A press release from the Jewish Funeral Practices Committee of Greater Washington:

December 30, 2013

For the Jewish Funeral Practices Committee of Greater Washington

Contacts:  Bob Hausman, 202-966-1545

David Balto, 202-577-5424

The Jewish Funeral Practices Committee (JFPC) of Greater Washington cautiously welcomes the Federal Trade Commission's proposed agreement with Service Corporation International (SCI) requiring them to divest Edward Sagel Funeral Directions in Rockville as a condition of allowing SCI to acquire the nation's second largest funeral services provider, Stewart Enterprises.  The FTC clearly accepted the Jewish community’s argument that there was a competitive problem in the DC/MD Jewish funeral home market.

Unfortunately, the FTC proposed decision to require the divestiture of Sagel is the wrong remedy. The Commission should have required the divestiture of Hines Rinaldi because it is an effective competitor and Sagel is not. Sagel is basically a modest storefront, does not have a chapel or facilities to handle bodies, and its market share has fallen from 25% to about 11% in the past three years.

The correct decision would have been to require divestiture of Hines Rinaldi Funeral Home with whom the Jewish Funeral Practices Committee has had a relationship with for over 11 years and provides a proper Jewish funeral for $1825.

SCI owns two funeral homes in the market – Danzansky/Goldberg and Sagel Funeral Directions.  Danzansky is a large full service facility. With control of Danzansky and Hines Rinaldi, SCI will still have the incentive and ability to undermine the JFPC arrangement.  Even if someone else purchases Sagel we can’t guarantee it will be interested in a contract with JFPC.

The FTC action is a “proposed” consent order.  It is not a final decision. The FTC has issued the proposed order for public comments for a 30-day period.  At the end of the period it will evaluate the comments and decide whether to make the settlement final. 

The Jewish Funeral Practices Committee, the law offices of David Balto and the JCRC of Greater Washington will be launching a second grassroots campaign to persuade FTC to divest Hines Rinaldi.

We, at JFPC, are very grateful for the extraordinary leadership and strategic advocacy they have provide during the first phase of this campaign.  They organized numerous meetings with FTC staff and Commissioners and an unprecedented demonstration in front of the FTC Headquarters building to dramatize community concerns.  We also extend our gratitude to the numerous elected officials – including: U.S Senators Cardin and Sarbanes, Maryland’s Governor, Lt Governor and Attorney General; Congressmen Delaney, Van Hollen, Sarbanes and Edwards; MoCo County Executive Leggett and many other local and state officials who wrote and whose letters can be found on the JCRC web site -- http://jcrc.convio.net/site/PageServer.

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 29 January 2014 16:10 )  

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Funeral Flower Etiquette by Religion

Funeral flower etiquette can be different for every culture and religion. It is very important that before attending a funeral or wake that you know the religion’s customs. Even though you may think that everyone would appreciate receiving flowers, it is not appropriate in some cultures.

During this difficult time, it is important for an individual who is planning to either visit the funeral or send flowers to the family to learn about the funeral flower etiquette of the deceased’s family. Flowers may be delivered in person or sent to the family’s home. Or, the flowers may be delivered to the funeral service, burial, or wake. Depending on when and where the flowers are sent, the etiquette may vary. For example, it may not be appropriate to arrive at the funeral with flowers, but it may be acceptable to send flowers to the family a few weeks after the funeral.

The following are some religions and their funeral flower etiquette. If you do not find the information below and are still unsure about the etiquette, refer to the obituary. The family will often include at the end of the obituary some information on whether or not they would like to receive flowers, donations, or other memorial gifts.

Roman Catholic Funeral

Flowers are acceptable during funeral wakes and services of Roman Catholics. The flowers can be sent to the church, funeral home, family’s residence, or to the wake. An individual can also send donations to the family of the deceased if they have requested them in lieu or flowers.

Protestant Funeral

A Protestant funeral ceremony celebrates the deceased person’s life and highlights the afterlife. Flowers are appreciated by the family and can be sent to their home or sent to the funeral home or church. The family may also request that donations be made to a charity they have selected.

Mormon Funeral

During a Mormon funeral flowers are acceptable, but an individual is advised not to send flower arrangements in the shape of a cross. Crosses and crucifix are not permitted because they believe in the bodily resurrection of Christ. It is advised to offer condolences and provide flowers before or after the funeral.

Jewish Funeral

Funeral flowers are not appropriate in Jewish traditions. Individuals are highly encouraged to send donations. A rabbi performs the funeral service and the deceased is buried right after his death. The family sits in mourning for seven days and fruit and food baskets are taken to the home.

Buddhist Funeral

A Buddhist family will accept flowers, but you should never send red flowers. White flowers are the traditional Buddhist flower color and are preferred. Also, it is not appropriate to send the family food. A donation may be made if the family has selected a charity.

Muslim Funeral

Whether or not to send flowers to a Muslim family depends on their beliefs. Some people believe that the Islamic emphasis on simplicity makes sending flowers inappropriate. However, some people will say that sending a simple flower arrangement is ok.

Hindu Funeral

A Hindu funeral takes place within 24 hours of death. Mourners should not bring anything to the funeral and not exchange greeting with other guests. A ceremony is held 10 days after the death where fruit should be brought for the family, but flowers are still not appropriate.

The funeral flower etiquette for the religions listed above give you the typical procedure for giving flowers. However, no matter what the religion the family may have different preferences. Often families prefer donations to a charity they select in lieu of flowers. Or, the family may not want flowers or any gifts at all. If you are unsure, refer to the obituary for more information. If there is no information in the obituary, you could ask a relative or close friend of the family. If you are still unsure, give the family a sympathy card and express your condolences for their loss.

View the original article here

Funeral Poems For A Friend

It is hard to say goodbye to a friend who has passed on. Funeral poems for a friend can help put in to words the numerous emotions we are feeling at such a difficult time. A poem can be read at the funeral service if you choose to say a few words about your friend, or can be included in a sympathy message to the family.

A friend is someone who we can rely on in good and bad times. A friend is someone who we can share everything with without any hesitation. Having a friend by our side is the best feeling in the world because we know that we are never alone. You will surely miss a friend who has passed on, but you can always share to everyone the things you both did by writing funeral poems for a friend. If you are having difficulty writing a poem yourself, do not worry because you can us one of the poems below.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night – By Dylan Thomas

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Do not stand at my grave and weep – By Mary Frye

When I am gone, release me – let me go
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you love,
you can only guess, how much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love each have shown,
but now it is time I travelled alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must,
then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
so bless those memories within your heart.
I will not be far away, for life goes on.
so if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you cannot see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you, soft and clear.
Then when you must come this way alone,
I will greet you with a smile and “Welcome Home”
When I Am Gone – By Unknown Poet

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And
sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, lon I stood And looked
down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair. And
having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear.
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay. In leave
so step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet
knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh.
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took
the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The Road Not Taken – By Robert Lee Frost

If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I’d walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.
My heart’s still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.
Since you’ll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you’ll always stay.
God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.
I Knew you for a Moment
If Tears Could Build A Stairway – By Poet Unknown

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want to rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little-but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me-but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the Master’s plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me but let me go.
Miss Me But Let Me Go – By Anonymous

Though we never know
Where life will take us,
I know it’s just a ride
On the wheel.
And we never know
When death will shake us
And we wonder how
It will feel.
So Goodbye my friend.
I know I’ll never see you again.
But the time together
Through all the years,
Will take away these tears.
It’s OK now – Goodbye my friend.
I see a lot of things
That make me crazy,
And I guess I held on to you,
You could have run away
And left – well maybe,
But it wasn’t time
And we both knew.
So Goodbye My friend.
I know I’ll never see you again.
But the love you gave me
Through all the years
Will take away these tears.
I’m OK now – Goodbye my friend.
Goodbye, My Friend – By Anonymous

Knowing that a friend has left you is sad. Even though the journey of you and your friend has ended, all the memories will not fade away as long as you remember the bond that you both shared. When you write, or select, funeral poems for a friend, you will remember the friendship you and your friend shared whenever you read it.

View the original article here

Famous Funeral Poems

Everybody can attest that saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do. Reading famous funeral poems at the memorial service will help to express that final farewell. Poems help put in to words the thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to express during such an emotional time.

For most people the thought of writing a funeral poem seems like a difficult or impossible task. However, a poem makes a nice addition to a funeral eulogy or can be part of a memorial. Luckily, there are numerous writers who have written poems that are appropriate for a funeral. The following are the most famous funeral poems that are traditionally read at a funeral service.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night – By Dylan Thomas

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Do not stand at my grave and weep – By Mary Frye

When I am gone, release me – let me go
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you love,
you can only guess, how much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love each have shown,
but now it is time I travelled alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must,
then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
so bless those memories within your heart.
I will not be far away, for life goes on.
so if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you cannot see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you, soft and clear.
Then when you must come this way alone,
I will greet you with a smile and “Welcome Home”
When I Am Gone – By Unknown Poet

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And
sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, lon I stood And looked
down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair. And
having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear.
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay. In leave
so step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet
knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh.
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took
the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The Road Not Taken – By Robert Frost

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He (She) is Dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policeman wear black cotton gloves.

He (She) was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week, my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song:
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out everyone;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Funeral Blues – By W.A. Auden

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more, day by day,
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that I once had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Remember – Christina Rossetti

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free!
Miss me a little, but not for long,
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love we once shared,
Miss me, but let me go!
For this a journey we all must take,
And each must go alone;
It’s all a part of the master’s plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
Miss me, but let me go.
Miss Me, But Let Me Go – By Robyn Rancman

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene , he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life, that there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him, and he questioned the Lord about it. ” Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed you most you would leave me”.

The Lord replied ” My Son, My precious child. I Love You, and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you”.
Footprints – By Author Unknown

The famous funeral poems listed above are the most commonly read poems during a memorial service. You can also use all, or part, of the poem on a plaque or monument. It is important to cherish the fond memories we share with our friends and family. It will always be difficult to say goodbye to a loved one who has passed away, but using a funeral poem can help to express our feelings over their passing.

View the original article here

Funeral Poems For Father

A father is an important figure in the family and reading funeral poems for father help to honor him at the funeral. Poems can express the thoughts and feelings we are unable to put into words during such a tragic time. Poems can also be used to describe the personality and qualities of the person who passed away.

Funeral poems for father can be used as part of a funeral speech or can be printed on the memorial folders handed out at the funeral. All, or part, of a poem may also be used on a plaque or monument created in tribute to the person. Whether the poem is written by a family member, or a famous author, it is a nice way to create a lasting memorial. Whenever the poem is read in the future it will remind the person reading the poem of their friend or relative who passed away.

The following are a collection of the most popular funeral poems for father. We hope that one of the poems below will remind you of your father and will be used as part of his funeral service.

You never said “I’m leaving”
You never said “goodbye”
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why.

There are no words to tell you
Just what I feel inside
The shock, the hurt, the anger
Might gradually subside

Dad’s Poem – By Poet Unknown

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it … “DAD!”

What Makes A Dad – By Unknown Poet

Not how did he die, but how did he live?
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?

These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not, what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?

Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away.

Not How Did He Die, But How Did He Live? – By Author Unknown

There was no time to say goodbye
But this I ask – please do not cry
Remember me as you think best
The happy time – forget the rest.

Look for me and I’ll be there
And you will find me everywhere
In the gentle touch of breeze
That cools the skin or swirls the leaves.

In the scent and color of flowers
That gave to me such happy hours
On sunny days under sunny skies of blue
Just think of me, I’ll be with you.

In winter when there’s cloud or mist
The rain will give to you my kiss
As wood smoke lingers in the air
Look for me and I’ll be there.

Where seagulls cry above the sea
And surf rolls in so endlessly
Among towering trees that soar above
In all these things that i once loved
Look for me and I’ll be there
You’ll feel my presence everywhere.

I’ll Be There – By Author Unknown

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night – By Dylan Thomas

As I look up to the skies above,
The stars stretch endlessly–
But somehow all those rays of light
Seem dimmer now to me.
As I watch the morning sun appear,
The shadows still don’t fade—
As if the brightest light of all
Was somehow swept away.

Though I see the branches swaying,
And watch their dancing leaves–
The echoes carried on the wind
Don’t sound the same to me.
As I listen to the morning birds
Sing softly from afar–
It seems to be a mournful tune
That echoes in my heart.

Another day has come again,
As time moves surely on–
But nothing now seems quite the same,
To know that he is gone.
The days and weeks and months ahead
Will never be the same–
Because a treasure beyond words
Can never be replaced.

The loss cannot be measured now,
The void cannot be filled–
And though someday the grief may fade,
His mark will live on still.
For even with my heavy heart,
I know that I’ve been blessed
To have been one who’s life he touched
With warmth so infinite.

As I Look Up to the Skies Above – By Author Unknown

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and
turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

He Is Gone – By David Harkins

Select one of the funeral poems for father above to create a memorable memorial for your father. Read the poem at the funeral service or print it on a memorial. Whenever you read the poem in the future it will remind you of how important your father was to you.

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Funeral Dress Etiquette

At a memorial or burial service there is certain funeral dress etiquette that defines the proper attire for men, women, and children. Typically people attending a funeral will choose to wear conservative clothing. Men and women tend to wear black and darker colors in reverence for the one who died. These darker colors reflect the conservative attitude of the wearer, and it has been the tradition to wear these colors in respect of the grieving family.

The solemnity of the event should reflect in the manner of clothing, and a simple dress or suit would be enough to extend the mourning spirit and thus, extend sympathy for the family.  For children, on the other hand, comfortable, dark clothing without logos or faddish ensembles would perfectly suit the event. Funeral dress etiquette calls for a more traditional style that captures the mourning spirit and extends the condolences of the wearer.

However, there are certain families that would encourage more upbeat, brighter colors instead of the traditional funeral dress etiquette. Those who are young, and young at heart, can deviate from the traditional style to more fashionable and bright clothing. They can go for lighter colors and women may wear dresses that are knee-length and do not reflect the traditionally conservative occasion. However, even if the family encourages attendees not to wear black or dress in casual attire, it is always recommended to be somewhat conservative. Do not wear t-shirts, clothes with loud patterns or logos, or any other clothes that would not be appropriate for a funeral.

It is always appropriate with funeral dress etiquette, especially for women and children, to cover the shoulders and have a degree of conservativeness. Certain families will prefer long dresses that are ankle-length, and those who prefer long-sleeved dark clothing. Thus, to be able to dress suitably to a funeral, it is most preferable to evaluate what type of family they are, or to ask the grieving family about the type of clothing that they should wear. It is not unseemly to ask, especially since funerals are special occasions that call for suitable attire. If there is no time to ask, then choose attire that is respectful and conservative. It is not necessary to wear all black, but wearing some black or darker colors is a good idea.

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How to Choose a Poem for a Funeral Service

Funeral poems are used during a funeral service to commemorate the passing of a loved one. However, you do not want to pick any poem to read, it has to have a special meaning. It is important to learn how to choose a poem for a funeral service before selecting a poem to read as part of your eulogy.

Poems are used to express the emotions of the people left behind, or the messages they have to the deceased. Whatever the purpose of funeral poems, one thing is for sure: they are expressions of love. If you are speaking at a funeral for the first time you may need help choosing a poem for a funeral. Writing, or selecting, a funeral poem is a very personal task and it varies from one person to another. The following information will help you select the perfect funeral poem.

The most important factor to consider when choosing a poem for a funeral service is to decide on the purpose of the poem. By knowing what point you want to express, and the reaction you want to elicit, this will help you decide what poem to select to read at the funeral service. The following are some of the most common reasons poems are read during a eulogy.

1) Share memories

A funeral poem is a unique way to share your memories and describe your relationship with the deceased. Was the person who passed away a friend, girlfriend or boyfriend, spouse, parent, sibling, child, grandparent, teacher, boss, coworker, or someone else? No matter what your relationship, a poem can be used to describe the moments you shared together. For example, if you would like to read a poem about your mother, you can select a poem written about a mother who lived her life dedicated to raising her children. Or, you may be reading a poem at the funeral of a teacher. In this instance you may select a poem about a leader in the community who influenced and positively impacted the lives of everyone he or she knew. Remember that it is not necessary to read personal stories at the funeral; a poem can be used to share your memories and describe how the person influenced your life.

2) Honor the deceased

Another reason to choose a poem for a funeral is to honor the deceased and highlight their greatest qualities. Think about what things remind you the most about the deceased person. It may be personality traits, physical features, or their interests. For example, if the person had an outgoing personality and was always smiling you could select a poem about a cheerful person. Or, the poem may not be about a person at all, but may be about happiness and laughter; which, can be related to the person. Another way to honor the deceased would be to use the poem to share his or her interests with the people at the funeral. For example, the deceased person may have loved the outdoors and a poem about nature may be a good choice to read at his or her funeral.

3) Express emotions

Finally, one of the most common reasons for reading a poem at a funeral is to express the emotions that the person reading the poem is feeling. When faced with the loss of a loved one it can be very difficult to put in to words how much the deceased person was loved. It is also difficult to express the sadness and pain felt over the loss. Reading a funeral poem can help to express your emotions without having to think of the words yourself. There are numerous poems that have been written about love and loss that would be a good choice for reading at a funeral.

The three points above are a few of the main reasons why you would read a poem at a loved one’s funeral. Understanding what point you want to express to the audience at the funeral will help you choose the perfect poem for a funeral service. Now that you know the types of funeral poems available, we recommend that you read our other articles on selecting funeral poems that are listed below. You will find dozens of poems that are appropriate for reading at a funeral service.

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Is the Eulogy the Most Important Part of the Funeral?

If you went to a wedding and the speeches were given by someone who barely knew – or had never even met – the people getting married, would that seem strange?

And yet often this is what happens at a funeral, when eulogies are written and delivered by someone who is a complete stranger to the person who died. Which is why it’s so great that you are reading this page, because you giving the eulogy for someone you love and care about is going to make a huge difference to you, and to all those who hear you.

Great eulogies follow a simple structure – words of introduction, words of ending, and some stories in the middle. Those stories can’t cover a person’s whole life, of course, but they can give a real sense of their life, of who they have been as a person. And you’ll probably start with the stories from when they were young – or from when you first knew them – and move on to things that happened later.

And yes, the stories can be funny – a great eulogy will prompt laughter as well as tears. And we all want to remember the good times, even in these saddest of moments.

Below is an example eulogy from How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps. If you want to find out more about this downloadable guide you can do so here.

This real-life eulogy – which I myself read at my brother-in-law’s funeral – was delivered on behalf of the family, and is written as if coming from a group voice, which is why the word “I” doesn’t appear, and the word “we” does. It includes stories and anecdotes, and shares feelings, while at the same time being a brief story of Robert’s life.

“Robert was born in April 1967, the youngest of the six children of Andrew and Celia Wheeler.

His elder brother Stephen’s prayer was answered and after four sisters along came Robert. Sally had managed to get the day off from school and was the first sibling to hold the newest of the Wheelers, a beautiful baby boy. His name was soon shortened and he was known as Bertie as a baby, and later as Rob to his many friends.

He was always cheerful, a bouncing toddler with a head of curls which Mum could hardly bring herself to cut. Michelle found him irresistible and would wake him from his naps to play. Anne remembers walking to the shops with him toddling at her side, imagining that he was her child. With five older siblings, Robert had to learn to hold his own, but he was a good-hearted and gentle child and we loved him for that. 

Robert was eager to be a part of Stephen’s gang and would trail along after him in his Paddington Bear duffel coat and red boots. At the Saturday morning cinema show Sally remembers Stephen sending him up on to the stage to cause havoc by walking in front of the screen. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Stephen.

At St Mary’s Primary School Robert met Jason who was to become a fixture in his life until the very end. Jason has described Robert as his dearest friend for thirty-three years.

Once the young Rob and Jason were doing the school raffle. They apparently went round the classes selling the tickets and when they found that they had some unsold tickets left over, they both innocently wrote their names down on these spares and put them into the ticket box. When the tickets were drawn and Robert’s name came up for each prize, suspicions were aroused and he became known as Robert Stealer!

Being the youngest, Robert always had someone in the family to play with but as the older ones began to fly the nest he grew closer to Pam, his youngest sister. They were always out and about getting into scrapes and having adventures. Once in a while though Pam would be the one left behind to face the music because the boys had all legged it quicker than her.

In Robert’s late teens Sylvester Stallone was his role model, and Robert got into body building and joined the local athletics club. His self-assurance grew as he spread his horizons, made lots of new friends and proved himself through his skill at javelin throwing, becoming regional Under 19 champion. He blossomed into a very handsome and strong man, who was totally unaware of his good looks – which of course made him even more likeable!

Around this time Joanna arrived on the scene when she lodged at our house while studying. For Robert she was the one. Beautiful, bright and at ease in herself and with others, Robert made a wise choice in her. At their wedding, his friend Jason made us all laugh when he recalled that it was around the time that they met that Robert was finally able to shed the teenage carapace of his furry hooded parka. 

With Joanna, Robert was at his happiest. Together they grew into adulthood and shared some fantastic times together, especially whilst living and working abroad. She was the making of him and we witnessed the way he grew so much in confidence because they traveled together and she encouraged him to try new things. 

Robert and Joanna were married in July 1998 at a church in the Forest of Dean. At the hotel, the lawn where we gathered for pictures was set against a backdrop of beautiful beech trees, a setting which Robert loved. It was a superb day, full of laughter, full of love and full of great memories.

To know loving kindness was to see Robert with children. His nieces and nephews began arriving when he was in his teens and he immediately showed his facility with children. He was a wonderful uncle to them. Robert could meet them on their terms, with sensitivity and affection. They knew they could go to him for counsel, or for comfort or to just hang out with. He was always ready to play, encouraging them, listening to them and loving them.

In answer to all his hopes Joanna gave him two beautiful children of his own, a son Peter and daughter Isabelle. Robert was completely delighted and quickly proved himself to be a very hands-on Dad with masses of patience and lots of energy. 

All of us agree that if any of us ever had a problem, Robert was a great listener. When diplomacy was called for, he could be relied upon. He knew what to say, to show that he cared and give support without blame. He had become a wise man.

Many of our happiest family times were down at the coast and once he had his own family Robert loved to take them to the beach. 

In those harrowing last days, with Joanna’s unfailing support Robert made it to the beach at Southsea. There he was able to look out at the power of the waves and the vastness of the sea. Amidst all the pain and sadness it is a comfort to think of this journey they made together and to imagine that fleeting moment of happiness for Robert looking out towards the sea.

Our dear son and brother, this world is a lesser place without you. 

Robert, we will love you always and forever.”

Click here for more information on my downloadable guide How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps, complete with poems, quotations, public speaking tips and fill-in-the-blanks eulogy templates.

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How to Write a Speech for a Funeral

Eulogies are one of the important parts of the memorial service, which is why it is important to learn how to write a speech for a funeral before delivering the eulogy. The family may choose one “eulogist” (the person who delivers the eulogy), or multiple people. Typically it will be some of the immediate family members and a close friend who give a speech at a funeral. Remember that if you have been asked to give a speech at a funeral it is a huge honor.

“The funeral is a time to pay tribute to the person’s life. The eulogy acknowledges the unique life of the person who died and affirms the significance of that life for all who shared it.” according to Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, a noted author and grief counselor. A eulogy serves two purposes; first, it provides the eulogist an opportunity to say goodbye to the deceased and express to everyone at the funeral how much the person meant to him or her. The second purpose of a eulogy is to share information about the deceased with friends and family in attendance. The eulogist can share fond memories and highlight the attributes that made the deceased person special. This gives everyone in attendance an opportunity to reflect on the person’s life and learn more about what type of person he or she was.

1. Select a theme

The first step for learning how to write a speech for a funeral is to decide what type of eulogy you want to write. A eulogy will typically be written with a biographical or personal theme. A biographical theme recounts the life history of the person in chronological order. It discusses the person’s childhood, family, relationships, children, career, interests, and so on. A biographical theme will help people attending the funeral learn more about the life of the deceased person. The other type of eulogy uses a personal theme. A personal theme is more focused on memories that people have of the deceased. It will include biographical information, but the information will be shared using more of a conversational tone. The eulogist will share their favorite memories and may also include favorite memories of family and friends.

2. Collect information

The second step is to collect the information for the eulogy. Spend time reflecting on time you spent with the deceased and write down your favorite memories. Looking through old photo albums will help to trigger memories that you shared and your favorite qualities of the individual. Next, you may want to interview family and friends of the deceased to collect more information that you may not have had. The following topics will help you to collect the information for the eulogy.

- Where was he or she born

- Family information: Parents, brothers and sisters names

- Childhood: location and interests

- Education: high school, post-secondary and any awards/achievements

- Relationships: marriage, divorce and any other significant relationships

- Children: children, grand-children, etc

- Career: positions held, achievements, etc

- Organizations: military service, charities, fraternal and other clubs

- Interests: sports, hobbies, travels, etc

- Other: any other special facts about the person

3. Organize your notes

Now that you have learned how to write a speech for a funeral and what to include it is time to organize your thoughts. You should have multiple pages of notes with information you collected from others and wrote yourself. The next step is to organize the information into an order based on the theme of the eulogy. Write the headings of each section in order and organize the notes under each heading. During this step you can also eliminate any information that you find unnecessary to include in the speech.

4. Write the speech

After you have organized the notes under headings it is time to turn them into properly structured paragraphs. Do not worry about perfecting the speech; the goal of the first draft is to turn the notes into a speech. After you have written the first draft, read through it a few times and cross out any information that is not required. The next step is to focus on fixing spelling and grammar errors. You should now have a well-written speech that you would be happy to read at your loved one’s memorial service.

5. Practice the speech

Now that you have the final copy of your speech it is time to practice it. The goal is to become familiar with the speech and comfortable reading it, but not to memorize it. Read through the speech on your own as many times as you want. It can help to read the speech into a tape recorder to hear how it sounds. Or, read it to a friend or family member. They will be able to give you feedback and suggest changes.

6. Deliver the speech

Print a copy of the speech in a large font and bring it with you to the funeral. Everyone in attendance will understand if you need to refer to the paper during your speech. Also, try not to worry too much about getting emotional during the speech. Friends and family understand how difficult the situation is and will be sympathetic if you get emotional. If you find that you are getting emotional during the speech, pause and take a deep breath then continue. If you are very worried about getting emotional you could provide a friend or family member a copy of the speech and request that they read it on your behalf if you are unable to do so.

You now know how to write a speech for a funeral and it is time to get started. The most important thing to remember is that the friends and family attending the funeral will appreciate any words that you say about the deceased. Think about your favorite memories you shared with your loved one. The eulogy gives you an opportunity to show everyone how much the person meant to you and what qualities made them so special.

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Short Funeral Flower Card Messages

Death is incredibly sad and with death comes funerals and a lot of other difficult things to deal with. As a family friend, or a close or distant relative, it is important that we let the family feel our support, care and love. There are a lot of ways we can show our sympathy to the grieving family. One is by sending flowers with personalized short funeral flower card messages.

Sending funeral flowers is important in several ways. First it is considered proper funeral etiquette to send flowers and a card, especially if you cannot come to the funeral or if you cannot come visit at the wake. Second, sending a card to the family shows how much you cared for the deceased and share the grief felt by the family. Moreover, it is a way of comforting the family and helping ease the pain of loss.

However, it can be very difficult to decide what to write in funeral flower card messages. It is because sometimes, there are just no words to say that can express your grief. Sometimes, we cannot fathom what our hearts feel and even though we say, “Everything’s going to be fine,” we know it will not be. The following are a few of the most popular short funeral card messages that you can use to express your grief.

With deepest sympathy.

With condolences.

We are sorry for your loss.

With sincere sympathy.

My heartfelt condolences.

Please accept my condolences.

My prayers are with you.

With loving and caring thoughts.

Sent with love and remembrance.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

With sincere condolences.

In loving remembrance of _____.

You will always be in our minds and prayers.

Gone but will never be forgotten.

In divine love remaining.

With love, you are always in my mind.

Treasured Memories.

You’ll always be in our hearts

God will bless and keep you in his care.

Wishing you were still here.

Goodnight and God bless.

Always be remembered.

Sleep peacefully, love _____.

In tender memoir.

Rest in solemnity and serenity.

May God keep you by His side.

Oh good Lord, grant unto him eternal rest.

As time passes by, memories of you will never die.

It is a sad incident if someone you know has passed away. It is important to remember to send a card to let the family of the deceased person to let them know that you are sharing the same grief. It will also show your respect and sympathy. However, it is undeniable that making a card is difficult. It is hard to decide what funeral messages for cards to write. We know that the family or relatives are suffering and there are no words that will eliminate their grief. However, the family will appreciate the thought and any words will provide them with some comfort. We recommend that you use one, or a combination or, the short funeral flower card messages above.

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5 Funeral Supplies for Green Burials

The following is a guest post contributed by Mobi Medical Supply:

Green burials are designed to leave a minimal impact on the environment. Traditional burials take up vital space in the ground, and non-decomposing coffins stay there forever. If you want to make sure your burial is a ‘green’ one, you need to utilize eco-friendly mortuary science techniques using the right equipment. Here are five funeral supplies for green burials.

Biodegradable Caskets
Biodegradable caskets will break down over time, which means that the burial will not have a permanent impact on Mother Nature. They still provide protection for the body during the funeral, but eventually they fade away. Wicker is the most common material for this kind of coffin, but there are other alternatives available. If you want to avoid a casket altogether, you could use a cloth shroud instead.

No Embalming
This is not so much a funeral supply but a lack of one. If you want to have a true green burial, you cannot allow the body to go through embalming. This action is required for certain diseases or transporting a body across the state border. Any other time, you can let the body go without being embalmed. You will need to plan the funeral shortly after the passing in this case, and you may want to opt for a closed casket ceremony. Centuries from now though, your loved ones’ body will be part of the earth because of your decisions.

Efficient Lowering Devices
Old casket lowering devices dug into the ground and left heavy imprints around the burial mound. Modern ones do not require that much of a footprint, making the smallest mark on nature possible. When you choose a funeral home to work with, make sure they have modern equipment to handle your needs. If you own a funeral home, you may want to invest in new funeral home supplies to do your part in the green burial procession.

Plants
Why not use the burial plot as a small garden in honor of your loved one? You could plant a tree in place of the tombstone, or you could turn the dirt mound into a large flower pot. Not only does this add beauty to the cemetery, but it also honors the deceased in a special way. Fake flowers and granite don’t have the same impact.

Seeds
If you have a chance to stick around while the casket is being covered, throw some seeds in for grass, flowers, trees, fruit – whatever you think your loved one would like. If your mother loved making apple pie, plant some apple seeds on top of her casket. As these seeds grow, they will bring new life to the plot and restore the memories you have of your friend or family member.

Green burial is not a passing fad. It is a new perspective on traditional burials that could make a huge difference on the environment. With the right funeral home supplies on hand, you could honor someone close to you without making a dint in the ecosystem. Everyone wins!

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Green Funeral Service Ideas

In today’s environmentally conscious society, planning events to be ‘greener’ has become an established standard. You too can make your funeral service significantly more environmentally friendly with just an extra 20 minutes of planning. All it takes is a little effort to make a big difference. This article will help you discover the best ways to plan a green funeral service. Read on to get started now.

Finding the Bad Reveals the Good

Step one is identifying all the potential environmentally unfriendly activities that typically take place at a funeral. Don’t limit yourself to only thinking about the obvious, consider even the most common, mundane steps such as:

InvitationsReceptionTransportationFlowersLocation

Those are some of the main points to help spark your mind. Think about what a traditional funeral service expects of each listed point, then think of the potential environmental dangers. For example, consider carpooling with friends and family to both save gas, and avoid potential parking issues at the reception. There are many quick fixes, such as carpooling, that can instantly make your funeral service more environmentally friendly.

Use Eco-Friendly Funeral Products

Hinted above, purchasing local flowers grown without pesticides can reduce your eco footprint while supporting your local economy. The problem with purchasing flowers online, or from big box stores, and having them delivered is the heavy stress the large delivery trucks and excessive packaging puts on the environment. Consider creating a flower fund for the entire family to guarantee only the best eco-friendly flowers are purchased all at once.

Minimize Use of Resources

After the funeral service ends, most family and close friends tend to gather together at a local home. Consider waiting until that moment to have lunch together and share memories. If you’re looking to have a picnic at a natural burial ground, remember to bring re-usable plastic containers, avoiding non-recyclable disposable sandwich bags.

Another tips is avoiding using paper entirely by emailing funeral invites and thank you notes rather than using cards that are going to be in the trash just a month later. If you choose to go the digital route and email family and friends it may be a good idea to have everyone RSVP by phone call. This ensures everybody receives your email without any technical issues.

Use a Green Casket

Green caskets are specially designed to biodegrade naturally. They are constructed with sustainable wood products absent of any dies, chemicals, or metals, using traditional carpentry methods to create corners and folds. Green caskets tend to have a higher price tag than their more common metal alternatives due to the manual labor they take to create. Green caskets are often handmade in small specialty woodworking shops. They are very beautiful pieces of art that also benefit the environment around us.

Planning a Green Funeral Benefits Everybody

Planning a green funeral service is a great deed to the local eco-system. Doing your part to better the environment is an honorable thing, especially at the time of a funeral. For even more green funeral service ideas, consider having a green burial done in a natural burial ground. Every small adjustment which betters our world is a step in the right direction.

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Five Benefits of a Green Funeral

Although it may not be the first thing that comes to mind when considering funeral options, traditional funeral methods actually harm the environment in different ways and there are a number of benefits of a green funeral. Cremation can put mercury and other pollutants into the air, and will still require other materials aside from the body for the process. Burial in the ground requires the harvesting of wood, and the use of embalming fluid, which will enter the local soil once the body begins to decompose.

A green burial, on the other hand, has a minimal impact on the environment, especially when considering the carbon footprint that creating a casket, producing embalming fluid, or burning matter create. Instead, the deceased will be able to choose a location where their body will be buried in a shroud, without embalming, that will be used to nurture plant life, including growing trees. Here are five benefits of a green funeral and why you may want to choose to have one.

It’s Natural

One of the more obvious qualities of a green funeral is its association with nature. The green funeral will have a greatly reduced impact on the local environment when compared to other funeral options. The body will be returned to the earth, a poetic sentiment often cited in religious and philosophical literature as part of the cycle of life and death. New life will benefit directly from that which has passed.

It’s Comforting 

Knowing that you will become one with the earth can be a source of comfort, but it can also comfort those who mourn you. When your life goes on to help a tree to grow, you will have a living monument that loved ones can see as a continuation of your memory. Most green burials are marked with a simple flagstone, as opposed to a much larger headstone.

It’s Less Expensive

A green funeral can cost as little as $2,000 or less, depending on where you wish to be buried, whereas even an affordable traditional burial can cost $6,000 or more. Green funerals involve less materials, less preparation, and require less money as a result, which means more of your estate can go to the people that you care for.

It’s Safe

Although contamination of water may be a concern with a green burial, the truth is that any bacteria within the body will quickly become inert before the issue arises. Green burials are commonly placed far away from open sources of water as well. In addition, there is no combustion, and thus no harmful pollutants will enter the air, as is the case with cremation.

It Improves the World You Love

Green burials can enrich the soil with organic material, providing much needed nutrients and nurturing the microorganisms that plants need to grow and survive. Stronger trees mean an area has better protection against storms and flooding, and helps to reduce the pollution that has already taken a toll on the world. Green cemeteries provide a rich, strong foundation for plant life that can be enjoyed by generations to come.

The above five points are only a few of the benefits of a green funeral. Read the other articles on green funerals listed below to learn more about planning a green funeral for your loved one.

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Guide To Making Funeral Arrangements

The death of a loved one is a difficult time and making funeral arrangements adds unnecessary stress to an already difficult situation. By preparing in advance you will eliminate the time required to plan the funeral and have more time to spend with friends and family. Unfortunately, life is often unexpected and preparing in advance for a funeral is not always an option. The guide below will walk you through the steps required to arrange a funeral to commemorate your loved one’s life.

1. First Call

When a loved one passes away, the first thing you need to do when making funeral arrangements is to have his or her body transported to a funeral home. Transferring the body to the funeral home is called a “first call”. Your loved one may be located where they passed away, or may have been transported to the city morgue. In certain cases a second or third transportation may be required to transport the body to a funeral home in another city or county. The funeral home will take care of the preparation after they get the body.

2. Funeral Services

Next, you will need to decide where the funeral will take place. It is recommended to make this decision prior to the “first call” so that the body is transferred to the correct funeral home. However, if you decide to use a different funeral home, transportation of the body to the new funeral home can be arranged. The funeral home you select will be based upon a number of factors, including the location, the funeral home’s appearance, the staff, the venue size, the price, and more. Don’t forget to consider your budget for the funeral service before you make a decision.

3. Funeral Products

After you have selected the funeral home, the next step for making funeral arrangements is to select the funeral products. The funeral products selected will be based on your budget and the type of funeral service you are having. Some families will have a simple funeral service, where others will have a visitation, procession to a cemetery, burial service, and more. The typical funeral products a family will select are a casket or urn, funeral flowers, funeral stationery, memorial keepsakes, video tribute, webcasting service, memorial website, and so on. If the body will be buried, a burial vault and gravestone will also be required.

4. Cemetery Arrangements

The next thing you need to take care of when making funeral arrangements is the cemetery services. This step is only required if you plan to bury the body, or place the urn in a columbarium. Making the cemetery arrangements is a very important step because this is your loved one’s final resting place. A burial plot may be one of the single largest expenses of a funeral. Burial plots range from $1,000 to over $20,000 depending on the cemetery and location. After you select the burial plot you will need to arrange transportation of the body and burial at the cemetery.

5. Estate Management

The last step after you are finished making funeral arrangements is to put the deceased person’s affairs in order. This involves sending notifications of death to people, including the person’s employer, organizations they were a member of, government agencies, utility companies, and so on. Next, you will want to file death benefit claims with insurance companies and other agencies. Finally, you will want to work with an attorney and the executor of the estate to divide the person’s assets as stated in their will. This will involve paying off outstanding debts and changing title of the deceased’s assets.

As you can see, there are a number of steps required for making funeral arrangements.  That is why it’s important to plan ahead of time, if possible. If you feel like a loved one’s death is imminent, you might want to begin making funeral arrangements as soon as possible. However, even if you are unable to plan in advance, a funeral director at your local funeral home should be able to assist you with all of the funeral arrangements.

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Wake vs Funeral: What to Choose?

The question of holding a wake vs funeral might appear to be trivial for some; however, other people struggle with this decision. While both ceremonies are held to honor and commemorate the dead, there are certain advantages to both options that make choosing a difficult task. However, what is most essential about these practices are that they are both being used as a way to show respect for the recently departed. They are also a chance for friends and loved ones to say their final goodbyes to the one who was recently deceased.

A wake is traditionally done a few days, or just a few hours, after the death of a person. The body is laid to rest in a casket and then the casket is placed at a chapel or a funeral home. Often the wake is held at the home of the departed without the casket present. Wakes are a gathering where people share stories and fond memories about the person who has died. It is usually held in a room where some seats are laid out for the guests, and stands of flowers that have been bought as a sign of condolence are placed all over the room and near the casket. A wake can last for days or whatever duration the family of the party desires. A wake that is longer than a day will typically take place at a family member’s house instead of a funeral home.

When comparing a wake vs funeral, the funeral is a more controlled and often more reserved ceremony. The burial of the body may be part of the funeral ceremony, which includes a service and sometimes a procession to the burial place. During the funeral family members and friends deliver eulogies to the deceased. Speeches can include poems, hymns and quotes to commemorate the dearly departed, making the funeral service very emotional. Speeches can be given during a wake, but it is typically done in a less formal manner. Normally, there is also a dress code for a funeral service and a wake usually does not require guest to wear formal attire. Although the customs of a wake and funeral varies between cultures or countries, mourners often wear black to a funeral service.

At a wake family members often bring food for people to eat. Friends and family share stories, sing songs, tell jokes and do whatever they can to celebrate the life of the deceased and not focus on the sadness of their passing. Different cultures have different beliefs about the wake. Some cultures believe that they should remain up all night with the deceased prior to the funeral the next day.

A wake and a funeral may sometimes be combined, with an officiant conducting the service in the morning after the wake. However, nowadays many people choose either one of these ceremonies for various reasons. Some say that a wake is easier to organize and to manage. Especially if the person has been cremated, instead of having a formal funeral the family will choose to have a wake (or informal gathering) instead of a funeral service. Choosing a wake vs funeral is done because it helps the family to save money if they choose not to have a funeral or burial service.

Many families prefer to have a funeral service because it is a more solemn occasion and is thus a better and more respectful way to honor the dead. A traditional funeral that includes prayers, hymns, eulogies and other methods to pay respect are very important to many people. For these reasons, this is why many people can’t decide between a wake vs funeral and choose to have both ceremonies. There is no right or wrong decision; it depends on the family on how they want to give their final farewell to their loved one.

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Alternative Funeral Ceremonies and Burials

The passing of a loved one is never easy.  When we lose someone we care about we set about memorializing them through a service.  A church, people gathered dressed all in black, an open casket, and somber music are all typical images that come to mind when we think of a traditional funeral.  It’s a typical scene, but it is also an idea that isn’t shared by everyone.

While some see the end of life as a solemn meant to mourn a passing, others believe that it should be seen as a celebration.  Not to celebrate the end of a life, but to celebrate all that was accomplished while the person was around on this earth, and to honor them as they had lived.

Sometimes an alternative style funeral celebration may be seen as controversial or even offensive.  Often, something that goes against established traditions raises eyebrows.  At their core though, these alternative types of services have the one most important thing in common with a traditional celebration, which is to honor the passing of a cherished person.

Living Funeral

The living funeral was an idea that received popularity from the novel Tuesdays with Morrie.  The simple concept is that a person, usually one who is terminally ill or otherwise knows they have very little time left, hosts a celebration where friends and family gather to say their final farewells.

These are often held in an environment of the host’s choosing.  They also tend to be a warmer, familiar, and more relaxed occasion as people share stories, laugh, and cry, having an opportunity to say their final farewells when the person is still around to hear them.

The Motorcycle Funeral

For anybody that has been a long time rider of the two-wheeled motorized method of travel, a motorcycle becomes an integral part of their lives.  A motorcycle funeral may involve a memorial ride with surviving family, friends, and members of the deceased’s motorcycle club honoring the fallen with one last ride.

In the case of one motorcycle enthusiast, his viewing involved his body riding his motorcycle one last time.  It’s certainly strange to see, but for his closest friends and family, they wanted to see him one last time, not as he died, but as he lived.

A Green Service

The impact of losing a loved one is a tremendous event and it is certainly no less of an impact on our environment.  An article that appeared in 2008 in Scientific American referenced a study in National Geographic that highlighted the environmental impact that funerals are having.  Millions of feet of wooden boards, thousands of tons of steel, hundreds of thousands of gallons of embalming fluid, these are all being kept underground.

An eco-conscious person is not interested in leaving a lasting impression.  For them, the ideal service is a modest and reserved one.  Only the closest people would attend, working diligently to reduce the carbon footprint of the event.  A green burial often involves avoiding cremation and using a casket made of biodegradable material.  The belief here lies in the idea of returning everything to the earth from which we originally came.

Contemporary society has no shortage of ways to see the passing of our loved ones.  Some may seem strange and maybe even offensive to certain sensibilities at times.  Remember though, that for the loved ones who still remain, their choice of service reflect how they feel is best to honor and respect those that are no longer with us.

By Dennis Aimes

Dennis Aimes is a husband, father and part-time super hero. When he isn’t busy saving his wife from spiders he works as a writer and insurance advisor specializing in funeral plan insurance from GIO

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Benefits of Planning Your Own Funeral

Many people are uncomfortable with the prospect of planning for their own death. Admittedly, the thought of planning your own funeral is indeed a bit morbid; like you’re welcoming death with open arms. But if you look at it from a rational and economical perspective, it is actually very logical to do so.

Funeral expenses are not cheap. You have to buy a coffin, reserve space for the funeral service, purchase a lot at a memorial park, pay for the cost of the burial, and more. The cost of a traditional funeral today averages close to $10,000 and can be as much as $20,000. This is a major expense that should not be left unplanned. Planning your own funeral in advance will reduce the burden left on your family and save you money.

1. Lessen the burden on your family

By planning your own funeral you can lessen the burden you leave on your loved ones after you pass away. You make life easier for the family you leave behind because you won’t have to give them responsibilities for your funeral after you die. This means that your family will not have to make the difficult decisions of arranging the funeral and selecting funeral products. Most importantly, you will leave your family with no financial burdens.

2. Ensures your wishes are known

Another benefit of planning your own funeral is to ensure that all of your final wishes are known. No matter how well your family knows you, or what wishes you have expressed to them, it is impossible for them to plan your funeral exactly how you would like. Pre-planning your funeral will ensure that the funeral is exactly the way you want your friends and family to honor your life.

3. Provides you peace of mind

With a good funeral plan you won’t have to worry about anything right before you die; because you know everything has already been taken care of. Planning ahead will provide you and your family peace of mind knowing that whenever you pass away the final expenses and funeral arrangements are taken care of.

4. Save Money

Planning your own funeral in advance can save you and your family money. Pre-planning will ensure that no matter how much funeral prices appreciate in the future you will be covered. There are also funeral payment plans available that allow you to set aside a small amount of money every month towards your funeral. This makes the funeral easier to afford instead of having to pay the entire bill at once.

Purchasing a funeral or memorial plan is a very simple process. You simply need to find an insurance provider, or funeral home, that offers this service and buy a plan from them. You will be asked to choose the items you want to use for your funeral, which includes the funeral location, funeral products, burial site, and so on. Planning your own funeral in advance is an excellent way to ensure that your needs are met, while reducing the burden on your family and saving money.

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Funeral Casket Material Options

Choosing the funeral casket for a deceased loved one can be very difficult because of the emotion involved. At times, the family may experience doubt or regret about the chosen casket because they make the decision while grieving and without doing proper research. Usually the family members select the casket for its appearance, and because of that, they may ignore the price of the casket, or if it is appropriate for the deceased. It is helpful to learn about the different funeral casket materials before selecting a casket.

Purchasing a wood casket is like purchasing furniture, since wood caskets are made similar to how furniture is made. It is important to look at the quality of the wood used, how it was stained and polished, and the overall craftsmanship used to assemble the casket. The quality of the wood will vary with the price; however, no matter what you pay you want to ensure that you are purchasing a well-made product. The following are the most common woods used for a funeral casket.

Hardwood

Mahogany, Walnut, and Cherry are the most expensive and elegant wooden caskets. The wood can be highly polished and produces a beautiful finish. Maple, Pecan, Oak and Poplar are also popular choices for wood caskets. Maple is popular because of its strength. Oak is popular because of its intricate grain pattern. All of these hardwoods can be hand-carved and shaped into beautiful designs.

Softwood

Pine, Poplar, Spruce and Cedar are options for softwood caskets. Softwood is a popular choice because of its lower-cost; however, the cost may vary depending on whether or not the casket is made from locally sourced wood. Softwood is a more environmentally friendly choice when compared to hardwood caskets because it is more of a renewable resource.

Veneer

Wood laminate caskets provide the beauty of a hardwood casket without the expensive cost. Veneer caskets are becoming more popular as families look at ways to reduce funeral expenses. However, veneer can be difficult to work with and it is important to check the quality of the casket to make sure the veneer is not peeling off.

Cloth Covered

Cloth covered caskets are the least expensive wood casket because they are made of inexpensive plywood, pressboard or recycled wood material and then covered with cloth. The family will have more options for customization because they can choose the exterior and interior cloth styles.

Eco-Friendly

Eco-friendly wood caskets are becoming increasingly popular. Eco-friendly caskets are typically made of bamboo, wicker or recycled materials. Bamboo is a popular wood choice because of its strength, beauty, and it is a highly renewable resource.

Metal caskets offer superior strength when compared to wood caskets. Metal caskets may be constructed from naturally non-rusting bronze or copper, rust-resistant stainless steel, or cathodically protected steel. They are also available in a variety of thicknesses, with 16, 18, and 20 gauge the most popular options. 16 gauge is the thickest type of metal casket available and is therefore one of the more expensive types of funeral casket available.

Bronze

Bronze caskets are selected because of their strength, durability and their natural non-rusting qualities. Bronze caskets are available in a wide variety of colors and styles.

Copper

Copper caskets are selected because of their durability and their natural non-rusting qualities. Bronze caskets are strong, but not quite as durable as bronze caskets. They are also available in a wide variety of colors and styles.

Stainless Steel

Stainless steel, an alloy of carbon steel and chromium, provides strength at an economical price. The caskets are treated so that they are resistant to corrosion. Stainless Steel caskets come in both painted and brushed finishes.

Whether you choose a metal or wood casket, you will have numerous styles to choose from. All caskets come in slightly different shapes and designs. Some of the custom options are graphics or engravings, different handles, and more. One of the most common ways to customize a casket is through the interior. You can choose different types of fabric and colors to personalize the look of the funeral casket.

The above are the most common types of metal and wood caskets. This will provide you with the basic information required to begin the process of choosing a funeral casket for your loved one. Read the other articles below to learn more about metal and wood caskets. Your local funeral home will also be able to further educate you about what casket options are available.

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