When Mortality Smacks You In The Face

When Mortality Smacks You In The Face

Josh Slocum, Executive Director of the Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA), spends his entire day on a soapbox telling people why funeral planning, advance directives and discussing your choices are important. You’d think he of all people would have his affairs in order.

Imagine his surprise in December 2010 when a heart attack struck him at the age of 36. Mortality rudely slapped his face and he was not prepared.

Given his lifestyle, a heart attack was not a complete surprise. Slocum was a heavy smoker and overweight by at least 60 pounds. The fact that he smoked endeared him to Lisa Carlson, the previous FCA executive director who also smoked.

The FCA produces Before I Go, You Should Know. This handy booklet is a planning kit illustrated with drawings by Edward Gorey. It’s a place to record your wishes regarding funeral or memorial services, facts useful for an obituary or death certificate, and the location of vital papers for handling your estate.

In the introduction to Before I Go, You Should Know, it says, “You have a duty to be sure that these things are understood, especially in a world where friends and family live some distance from you. Get it all in order and then be sure to tell others where you put it…. And don’t forget to take it when traveling.”

Slocum shared his story at the recent FCA Biennial meeting in Tucson and gave his okay to tell it here – as long as the humor is included.

He was at home in Vermont when he felt crushing chest pains. Carlson, who Slocum jokingly calls “the Queen o’ Death,” rushed him to the hospital emergency room. As soon as the EKG was read, medical personnel came running. “I knew it was bad when all those doctors came in,” he said.

He was having an acute heart attack, an experience he described as “a living nightmare.” He was promptly taken into the heart cath lab, where the doctors placed a stent that opened the clogged artery.

In recovery after the procedure, while he was swimming in a medication-induced haze, Carlson came in for a bedside visit.

She asked, “Where’s your Before I Go You Should Know kit?” Slocum admitted he didn’t know.  “You asshole,” said Carlson.

He also didn’t have advance directives on file. “It took me being smacked in the face with my mortality, even though I do this for a living,” said Slocum.

He has since quit smoking and lost 40 pounds. And he also found his Before I Go, You Should Know kit. Does he carry it with him everywhere he goes? I’ll ask him that question when we both speak on a panel discussion at the Ohio Cemetery Association’s annual meeting in August.

Meanwhile, we can all learn a lesson from Josh Slocum’s experience. Don’t wait until you are smacked upside the head with your own mortality to get your affairs in order.

Wicker basket casket for green burial on display at the FCA Biennial Meeting provided by Final Footprint™ (www.FinalFootprint.com).

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Forging a Lasting Unseen Marker for a Friend

Forging a Lasting Unseen Marker for a Friend

The photo below is a work of art in iron that no one will ever see. It’s a forged metal cover for an urn that was buried. The urn holds the cremated remains of Joe Whiton, one of the founding members of the Southwest Artists Blacksmith Association and a volunteer fire fighter who donated his body to science.

Joe Whiton retired from a career with the Air Force and became a blacksmith and an independent businessman. He was generous, intelligent, and a problem solver. He created devices, tools and jigs to help blacksmiths more easily make their handmade items. He could whip out puzzles made of nails in seconds flat. He was also a volunteer fire fighter.

His fire fighting training was lifesaving when fire broke out at his son Ken’s home in 2005. An electric short in the gas-fired hot tub caused a huge blaze in the middle of the night. Ken came to get Joe in his bedroom. Joe dropped to the floor and started crawling, staying as low as possible.

Ken had panicked. He was standing up, trying to pull his dad out of bed. The hair on Ken’s head was singed by the fire, but everyone got out of the burning house okay.

Joe Whiton died on December 9, 2009, just 11 days before his 88th birthday. His body was donated to IIAM, the International Institute for the Advancement of Medicine. As soon as the death was pronounced, Joe’s body was flown to Phoenix for tissue harvesting. What remained of his body was cremated and sent back to the family. This was all done at no cost to the family.

Shortly after Joe died, Ken and his wife Betty had a celebration of life reception at their house. After his cremated remains were returned, they had a graveside service where attendees shared memories and stories.

It was at this graveside service that the pictured handmade metal cover was last seen. The cover features Joe Whiton’s smith symbol and the stamped symbols of all the blacksmith artists who knew and admired Joe Whiton.

Here are the names of each artist, counter-clockwise from the lower left corner, with the lines leading to each of their smith symbols: Chad Gunter, Brad Gunter, Frank Turley, Leaf Gonnsen, Bob Curtis, Alex Ivey, Christopher Thompson, Kevin Dunlap, Bob Keers, Richard Rumpf, (top center) Joe Whiton’s symbol, Gary Bryant, Jack Beadersted, Gary Williams, Helmut Hillenkamp, Bruce Hansche, Mike Rufe, Robert Ulibarri, Ward Brinegar, Larry Kern, and Robb Gunter.

Even when a work of art is unseen, its quality shines through. And aren’t we as individuals a bit like that as well?

When we become unseen, our qualities still shine through via the impact we make on others. What kind of stamp are you putting on the people you know and love?

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NPR Dead Stop: Animal Trainer Frank Inn

NPR Dead Stop: Animal Trainer Frank Inn Hollywood animal trainer Frank Inn and Higgins, who played Benji.

NPR’s Dead Stop cemetery story series today focuses on Hollywood animal trainer Frank Inn. He’s buried in Forest Lawn Memorial Park in the Hollywood Hills.

Inn made stars out of dogs, pigs, camels, chimpanzees, snakes and other animals. He worked in both TV and film, making a star out of a pig called Arnold Ziffel on the 1960s hit series Green Acres and a shelter dog named Higgins, better known as Benji.

His love of animals was so strong, he wanted to be buried with the cremated remains of his most beloved creatures. Inn suffered from diabetes and obesity late in life, at one point weighing more than 400 pounds. So he and his daughter planned for an over-sized casket and burial plot.

At the time they made arrangements, they were assured the animal remains could be buried with him. But despite his wishes, that didn’t happen. Apparently, between the time they made arrangements and his death in 2002, the laws had changed.

Listen or read the full NPR story.

By the way, there is a cemetery here in Albuquerque called Best Friends Forever where the cremated remains of humans and their pets can be buried or placed in a niche together. It’s one of the few cemeteries in the country to allow side-by-side interment of pet and human ashes.

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Two Grim Reapers and a Dilbert Death Cartoon

Two Grim Reapers and a Dilbert Death Cartoon

Today’s Dilbert cartoon has Dilbert saying, “When I die, I want my ashes scattered in outer space.” Dogbert replies, “Cool! I’ll bribe an Elbonian general to strap you to an intercontinental missile when they test it next week.” Dilbert says, “It’s better if the dying and the ash scattering are two separate events.” “Don’t be a burden on the living,” says Dogbert.

Over in the Lio cartoon, he’s fishing with the Grim Reaper. Catch of the day, anyone?

Meanwhile, an earlier Pearls Before Swine has the Grim Reaper getting into a T-shirt that has an awkward message:

Oh, the irony!

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Times are changing when it comes to funeral planning

By Joe Casper

The more things change, the more they remain the same. However, for the American funeral these are changing times.

One of the biggest changes is the preference of cremation over burial. Cost is the main factor. All crematories in Massachusetts are located on cemetery grounds.

The average charge for the crematory is about $450. The cost for an average private cemetery, a grave opening and grave box could cost on average $5,000.

Neither the crematory nor the cemetery pay commission to the funeral home.

The tradition of the funeral home coordinating all of the cemetery arrangements, then adding it to the bill — with no profit to them — is a mystery.

Recently, a woman purchased two graves in a very prestigious cemetery.

With the grave opening and vault the cost came to more than $16,000. The cemetery salesperson said, “Make sure you bring us a check the morning of the funeral.”

The person who purchased the graves believed the funeral home received 20 percent. This is untrue, the funeral home receives nothing from the cemetery.

When a family chooses cremation over a burial, there is no reason for the funeral director to push burial over cremation. The funeral home gets nothing either way.

More people are having a traditional service with a wake followed by a cremation. They have visiting hours and a priest or a minister presides over the wake service.

Another choice is direct cremation. After the person is removed from the place where they died, all the paperwork is completed and 48 hours later they are taken to the crematory. A memorial service follows at a church or some other location. The family makes its own plans and arrangements.

Should the family choose to put a death notice in the newspaper, they are responsible for writing it. The newspaper will call the funeral home to confirm that the person is deceased.

If people wish to scatter the cremated remains they do so at a location of their choice. Some people choose to have the cremated remains buried in a cemetery grave. The cemetery will charge an interment fee, which can range from $600 to around $1,200.

With fewer traditional burials, the cemetery has increased the cost for interring cremated remains to offset the loss of regular interment fees. In greater Boston, interment fees for private cemeteries begin at $1,600.

Each cemetery has its own price list of services and sets its own policy regarding what consumers are allowed to do. Prices and options vary.

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Tips for international funeral shipping

Posted on 31 January 2012. Tags: Casper, cremation, funeral, international

By Joe Casper

More and more people have the desire to return to their homeland in the event of their death.

The old adage applies, “Home is where the heart is.”

With America’s ever expanding ethnic diversity, there are increasing numbers of people who want to repatriate to their homeland.

For many, funeral-shipping expenses can be restrictive and prohibitive. Too often, families are quoted international shipping costs that are way beyond their means; make sure to get a second quote. The difference in shipping quotes can run in the thousands.

Since consulate approval is mandatory, the first question a family must ask a funeral service provider is, “Are you a known shipper?” If their answer is “no” then move on, because that funeral home won’t be allowed to place the deceased on an international flight.

The receiving country must approve all international funeral shipping and regulations; requirements must be specific and clearly defined.

It is also essential that the quote obtained for international funeral shipping services is for a complete ship out. Make certain the quote obtained is complete and without additional charges. Trust, confidence and experience are so important in selecting an international funeral service provider.

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What is old school in the world of funeral arrangements?

By Joe Casper

Recently I went into an Asian restaurant and asked the young waiter, “My father loved chicken chow-mein. How is it here?” To which the waiter replied, “Old school.”

So what is new school?

Based on the waiter’s response, it was clear that this remains a choice, but more people are ordering new school.

There is a new school message that lots of people are using when faced with a funeral emergency and they have limited funds.

Old school is where a family chooses a funeral home, calls them, is given the cost and then pays for the services selected.

The new school way people deal with a funeral emergency is to get more choices and make cost comparisons.

They get second opinions because they want to be certain that they are making an informed decision.

Making any type of funeral arrangement, especially simple cremations, comes down to feeling comfortable with the person you are talking with is credible and giving you direct answers. You are, after all, making arrangements for someone you care about and is very important to you.

If the response to your questions is “maybe” then it should be a “no.”

People should choose wisely. Get a list of all of the costs and services which you are considering.

If you are comfortable, then proceed. If not, then start checking additional facilities to get second and third opinions.

You won’t know unless you double check. Do your homework.

So are you old school or new school?

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