Friday Funeral Films: My Mexican Shivah

Friday Funeral Films: My Mexican Shivah

By Gail Rubin

My Mexican Shivah is a very funny comedy funeral film that illustrates highly traditional shivah Jewish funeral traditions in an entertaining manner. It contrasts contemporary Mexican Jews living in Mexico City and shows the clashing cultures of secular versus religious.

At the very opening of the film 75-year-old Moishe drops dead of a massive heart attack during a celebratory dinner with a group of theater friends. Moishe’s family and friends gather in Mexico City for the seven-day Jewish mourning ritual known as “sitting shivah.”

A crazy collection of characters come together to make a delicious comedic stew flavored with Jewish traditions many less-observant Members of the Tribe may not know about.

Moishe (played by Sergio Kleiner) had been living with a Catholic girlfriend before he dropped dead. Daughter Esther (played by Raquel Pankowsky) is a typical Jewish mother who worries about her daughter not getting married. Son Ricardo (played by David Ostrosky) butts heads with his son who has become Orthodox and sports a black hat and payas side curls.

According to Jewish belief, from the moment a Jew is born, he or she is accompanied by two angels: an angel of light and an angel of darkness. The spirit angels Aleph and Bet (only visible to the camera) watch over the family and calculate which angel will accompany Moishe’s soul to the afterlife. They speak in Yiddish. The rest of the film is in Spanish and Hebrew (for the prayers) with subtitles.

My Mexican Shivah shows a number of Jewish funeral traditions before during and after a funeral. During the opening credits we see these traditional actions taken when someone dies:

Closing the eyes of the deceasedSaying the Shema prayer and the repetition of the Hebrew phrase “The Lord is God” seven timesCovering the body “so his Soul can start the Journey”Candles and a glass of water at head of deceasedTurning the feet to point toward the doorThe living apologizing to the dead for any awkwardness of handling the bodyThe tahara ritual – washing the body for both physical and spiritual cleansing

To make sure the proprieties of mourning are observed there’s a Chevreman on the scene. He is a member of the Jewish Burial Society (a.k.a. the Chevra Kaddisha) who guides the family through many of the funeral rituals.

He asks for Moishe’s prayer shawl so it can be buried with him (no one thinks he had one)He conducts the keriah ritual where the mourners tear their clothing just prior to the funeralThe burial shows dirt landing on the rough wood of the simple casketHe helps the domestics set up the house of mourning. That includes:Clearing out flowers, covering mirrors and family photos and lowering the seating

When one of the domestics tells the Chevreman that “Mrs. Esther likes to show off the mirror,” he replies with the rules of the seven days of mourning. “Mrs. Esther knows that for seven days she can’t show off… she can’t work, bathe, wear leather shoes, have sex, study the Torah, greet people, wear clothing with starch, sit in normal chairs, shave or express joy in any way.”

In a comedic twist, over the seven days this guy is milking the family for all they’re worth by charging for kosher food, slippers and various shivah goods. Some of the elements of shivah portrayed in the film include:

A seven-day candle is lit to mark the start of the mourning period right after the funeralA glass of water and napkin or towel is placed next to the seven-day candle (a very old tradition designed to appease the Angel of Death)Visitors to the house of mourning kiss the mezzuzah as they enterMoishe’s son and daughter eat a hard-boiled egg as the first food they consume after the funeral (representing the cycle of life)Prayer services are held daily in the house of mourning (the film depicts the men praying and the women observing)Mourning is suspended during ShabbatAt the end of the seven-day period the family leaves the house and walks around the block to indicate they are done with the initial mourning period (there are other observances over the course of the year)

In between all the Jewish traditions portrayed there are too many comedic situations to describe. You just have to see it yourself.

I use clips from My Mexican Shivah to illustrate and discuss Jewish funeral traditions in talks at Jewish community centers, synagogues and funeral homes. Another good film option that is more widely available on DVD is Nora’s Will (also from Mexico).

Unfortunately, this film is not widely available for sale on DVD. However it is available for rent on Netflix.

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is author of the award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and host of A Good Goodbye TV. She speaks to groups using clips from funny films to illustrate funeral planning issues and help start serious conversations. Her website is www.AGoodGoodbye.com.

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Friday Funeral Films: The Big Lebowski

Friday Funeral Films: The Big Lebowski

By Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®

As a Friday Funeral Film, The Big Lebowski offers several good cremation lessons. The cult classic comedy focuses on bowling, White Russians, and life in Southern California, but it also offers some funeral planning tips.

This 1998 movie written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen is a story about Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), an unemployed hippie who runs into all sorts of trouble when he’s mistaken for a millionaire with the same name. When The Dude seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling pals to help, all sorts of weird situations erupt.

Bowling buddy Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) is a Vietnam veteran with anger management issues. Theodore Donald ‘Donny’ Kerabatsos (Steve Buscemi) also bowls with them. Together, they try to make the most of the strange situations they stumble into and to understand the bizarre people who enter their world.

Nihilists (those who believe in nothing) set upon the trio outside the bowling alley late in the film. Unfortunately, Donny meets his maker due to a heart attack. This brings us to the funeral film lessons in The Big Lebowski.

Frugal Cremation Tips

The Dude and Walter go to a mortuary to pick up their friend’s ashes. Walter peruses the bill and questions the funeral director, Francis Donnelly.

WS: “What’s this?” (tapping the bill)
FD: “That’s for the urn.”
WS: “Don’t need it, we’re scattering the ashes.”
FD: “Yes, so we were informed. However, we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle.”
WS: “This is a hundred and eighty dollars.”
FD: “It is our most modestly priced receptacle.”
WS: “A hundred and eighty dollars?”
FD: “They range up to three thousand.”
The Dude: “Can’t we just rent it from you?”
FD: “Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house.”

The scene builds to comic intensity, ending with an angry Walter asking if there’s a Ralph’s nearby. If you’re not familiar with Southern California, Ralph’s is a popular grocery store chain. They get a can of Folgers Coffee, which makes an appearance in the next scene.

The lessons from this scene:

You do not have to buy an urn from a funeral home.You can bring in your own container to receive cremated remains from a funeral home. Use your imagination – a coffee can, a vase, a decorative box – hobby shops have lots of good options.You can take the remains home in the most basic container, a cardboard box lined with heavy plastic, which is how the funeral home receives the remains from the retort.Some folks will wrap the cardboard box in colorful fabrics and ribbons or in wrapping paper changed to reflect the season.A coffee can is just the right size for holding the ashes of most people.

A Lesson in Eulogies and Ash Scattering

In the next scene, The Dude and Walter go to scatter Donny’s ashes in the Pacific Ocean. They silently climb to a bluff overlooking the sea.

Walter says a few words about Donny, but quickly veers into commenting with anger about the lives lost in the Vietnam War. As he commits Donny “to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean” while standing on a windblown cliff, he ends up covering The Dude with Donny’s mortal remains.

The lessons from this scene:

When scattering ashes, don’t stand downwind!For disposition in the ocean, it’s better to be on a boat near the surface of the water and keep the cremated remains enclosed in a biodegradable container.Federal regulations dictate when sinking cremated remains at sea they should be placed at least three nautical miles offshore.However, there are no cremation police in the U.S. Be sensitive to your surroundings.Lastly, the eulogy should be all about the person who died, not about the person giving the eulogy.

The Big Lebowski is a fun film on its own. The funeral lessons are a bonus. Rated R, it’s available from Netflix and Amazon.com. Check it out!

The Doyenne of Death® Gail Rubin helps start serious conversations by presenting talks that use funny films to illustrate funeral planning issues. Visit her website at www.AGoodGoodbye.com.

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